HOCKEE NIGHT - The Malört of Hockey Blogs

VIOLENCE OF THE RED SEA - Blues 4, Hawks 3 (3OT)


We're going to have to settle in for this long stretch of Hatecapping. Now, I was hoping for a nice, tidy three period contest but naturally we had to kick this thing off with a multiple overtime, grabber-inducing, bowel-evacuating thrill ride. Yes, the Blues are trash merchants from a riverside tolkienesque Hellscape but this is essentially Hatecap Hannukkah (yes, I know Hanukkah has eight nights). Everyone knows you might get festive pencils on night one. 
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BLACKHAWKS/BLUES: By The Numbers

It's playoff time again, so once more the Hockeenight Mathletes have been released from the gym lockers where they had been stuffed, and they've been crunching the numbers on the first-round matchup between the Chicago Blackhawks and St. Louis Blues.

Here's the results of their analysis.

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PUCKCAST: Playoff Preview

Tonight it's just Fork and Chris Block from The Third Man In.

We discuss:

  • The IceHogs
  • TEUVO!
  • Stephen Johns
  • Kevin Hayes pooping elsewhere
  • Martin Brodeur
  • Playoff predictions
Those of you who bitch about the times when we talk a lot about hockey, bitch away.

Everyone else, enjoy.


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Capital Crapfest: Blackhawks 0, Caps 4

http://i.imgur.com/fvMp1cE.jpg

Tonight the Blackhawks, who are locked into 3rd place in Conference III, played a hockey game. That game was against Alex Ovechkin and the golf course-bound Washington Capitals. Hopefully, you had something better to do than to watch this game.
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Even Siberia Goes Through The Motions: Blackhawks 3, Canadiens 2 (OT)



When I was young, and I started my love affair with the game of hockey, games between the Chicago Blackhawks and Montreal Canadiens were always the ones you looked forward to. My dad and I would either watch the games that were being played in the Montreal Forum, or listen to Lloyd Pettiit call the games from Chicago Stadium on the radio. They played twice for the Stanley Cup, and we went to a movie theater to watch on closed circuit. They were always exciting games, real nail-biters.

How things have changed.

Tonight saw two teams pretty much locked into their playoff positions, basically playing to avoid injuries. There was no score until the third period, and neither side seemed to have a hell of a lot of interest, then they realized nobody would get mad if they started scoring. Marian Hossa tied it with less than 50 seconds left in regulation, then Patrick Sharp put a handsome bow on the game, scoring in overtime to give the Hawks a 3-2 victory in their final regular season game in Fort Kickass.

Let's get to this:

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Hockeenight & Madhouse Enforcer Redefine the Puckcast

On tonight's Puckcast, Fork and CT welcome back James Neveau of NBC5's MadHouse Enforcer for an evening of intelligent hockey talk and family-friendly comedy.

Nah, here's what we actually talked about:

  • Demolition Derbies
  • CT almost fights a raccoon to the death.
  • What does Ken Hitchcock have in common with the early pioneers? The answer may surprise you.
  • Several visits to Urbandictionary.com
  • We have our new playoff anthem!
  • But it's a surprise.
  • Breaking news!
  • Mickey Rooney is dead.
  • Also, various hockey talk. If that's why you're here.
  • It isn't.




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ON WITH THE BUSINESS - Blackhawks 4, Blues 2

Another national telecast featuring the Blues and Blackhawks in which the entire topic of conversation is around which player will die due to overzealous frothy-mouthed physicality. Of course the narrative since the Brooks Orpik hit that ended Jonathan Toews' regular season has been that the defending Cup champions can no longer be considered contenders because of their lack of traditional response (read: why didn't they try to kill someone).  << MORE >>

LAST SECOND LIGHTNING IN LUMBUS: Blackhawks 4, Blue Jackets 3



OK, that was exciting.

The Chicago Blackhawks battled the Columbus Blue Jackets tooth and nail all night, trading goals until there were less than four seconds on the clock. Ben Smith jammed the puck into the net in a mad scramble to give the Chicago Blackhawks a 4-3 win in Nationwide Arena, giving the Blackhawks a 13-game winning streak in the Buckeye State.

Let's get to this:

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IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER: Blackhawks 3, Wild 2 (SHO)



Ah, meaningless hockey. I mean, yeah, I guess they could play for home ice in the first round against Colorado. Which means they could put the pedal to the metal in order for Joel Quenneville to be able to get the last line change in a possible Game 7. Let's be real here - the Chicago Blackhawks' issues with the Colorado Avalanche has nothing to do with the brilliance of Patrick Wah and everything to do with Semyon Varlamov stopping 95% of the rubber that came his way. 

But the task at hand tonight was last season's first round opponent, the Minnesota Wild. The Wild had Ilya Bryzgalov in net, making him the fourth different man to set up between the pipes for Minnesota against the Hawks this season.

Let's get to this...


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Sadcast: Hawks 1, Penguins 4

The Hawks lost again.  Jonathan Toews got hurt.  THERE WAS NO ON ICE VENGEANCE OR RECRIMINATIONS BOOOOOOOOOOO, THIS TEAM IS SOFT AND WEAK.

But hey, a Puckcast with Laura will make everything better!  Right?!?

Topics:

  • Tonight's game was bad
  • Brent Seabrook's role in that badness
  • Fans, media, everyone's dumb
  • Especially that damn David Haugh
  • And drop passes, did I mention the drop passes?!?
  • ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH




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