LEAVE IT TO BETTMAN
Here we are again, walking past the picket fence made of hockey sticks, up to the front door. Let's go on inside, for our latest episode of...
We find Beaver Bettman and his brother Wally talking...
Hey Beav, why the sour puss?
Aw, Wally, it's those New York Rangers. They think they're so big
They're sore because we made a rule in our club that nobody could make their own websites. Everyone in the club was gonna have the same websites
Gee Beav. I saw their site, and it sure looked swell. In fact, it looked nicer than anyone else's in the club.
But Wally! We made a club rule! Now everyone else in the club is gonna be mad. I think I'm gonna have to throw them out of the club.
Golly Beav, I don't know if that's such a good idea. I mean, they were in the club when there were only 6 members. They fill Madison Square Garden every night, and they have their own TV network that makes an awful lot of money.
Well, Wally, I've got to meet with their lawyer this afternoon, and we can talk.
That afternoon, Beaver goes to the judge's office downtown, and he waits to meet with the judge and the Rangers' lawyer...
Gee, your honor, I don't know where the Rangers' lawyer...Eddie!
Good afternoon, your honor. I'm Eddie Haskell, here to represent the New York Rangers. And, might I say, how judicial you look in your robe, and what a fine gavel that is!
Your honor, we made rules in the club, and they went and broke the rules. Now, we took over their web site, and now they're saying we're being soreheads.
Your honor, the New York Rangers are a simple, family business, We merely wanted to make a web site that fine people like yourself could go to and enjoy a multimedia hockey experience.
But your honor! They broke the rules we made! They're right here:
Rule 1. All marketing and media shall be the intellectual property of the National Hockey League.
Rule 2. No girls
Rule 3. The NHL constitution also prohibits league members from resisting or trying to prevent termination in the league through the courts.
So they're even breaking the rules by coming here. Golly, your honor. They're just breaking the rules!
Your honor, Not surprisingly, the NHL is once again proving why an independent judge must address our claims. Despite trying to resolve our differences privately, the league has responded with excessive fines and now threats that have nothing to do with the merits of our position. Here, let me shine your scales.
The day ended with the judge not deciding between Beaver and Eddie Haskell's Rangers.
What will happen next? Stay tuned.