FANS ROAST TOMMY HAWK: Say He "Tastes Like Chicken".
HOCKEENIGHT has learned that several Blackhawks fans caught and roasted Blackhawks' mascot Tommy Hawk. They then proceeded to have him as part of a Convention Weekend meal.
The fans seemed to enjoy their meals, which had to be prepared by a local Buffalo Wild Wings. This was due to the fact that Tommy Hawk was unusually large poultry, and a commercial-sized range and oven were needed.
"We thought it would take days to cook a bird this big," one member of the kitchen staff said. "However, Tommy Hawk is what we in the food industry refer to as Alla Koci. Which translates out to, 'Big, but not tough at all.'"
Because of the sheer enormity of Tommy Hawk, the fans were not only able to eat for days, but were able to have meals prepared in several varieties.
"Mmmmm...tastes like chicken," One Blackhawks fan noted. The others agreed.
The kitchen staff helped out, dressing the bird (or, since Tommy Hawk wore a hockey sweater, they actually had to undress him)
One person who worked in the restaurant told HOCKEENIGHT, "This works out really well for me. My wife has wanted a down comforter for a couple years now, and we've got enough feathers now for a comforter, a couple of pillows, and maybe even a coat."
Tommy Hawk was a large (6'4, 220 lb.) presence at Blackhawks games. He was more conspicuous over several seasons due to poor fan turnout. However, now that the Blackhawks are selling out games again, Tommy Hawk's absence might not even be noticed at first.
"You mean that wasn't a chicken?" One fan remarked, "The only time I even knew the bird was in the building was when he got in my way. He always seemed to show up in our section during a Hawks' power play."
Keeping with tradition, the fans were watching the timer for the roasting, much in the same way they do when watching a hockey game. Shortly before Tommy Hawk had been completely roasted, they all yelled out, "HOW MUCH TIME?", at which point the head cook announced, "One minute. One minute remaining in the roasting."
The fans seemed impressed. "Man, those are the biggest Buffalo Wings I've ever seen!" One said. They feasted for days on wings, wraps, salads, nuggets, fajitas, sandwiches, and even omelettes.
Due to the enjoyment of the fans in dining on the mascot, they have now set their sites on other hockey mascots.
"We've got options," One of the fans told HOCKEENIGHT. "If we go out west, we've got S.J. Sharkie in San Jose. That would be a lot of fish. We might wait on that until next Spring, when Lent rolls around."
"We can always go out to New York," The fans all seemed to agree upon. "The Islanders have a dragon for a mascot, and we have no idea what a dragon tastes like, or even how to make dragon."
"And it's not like the dragon is making the Islanders any better anyway."
PERSONAL NOTE: We at HOCKEENIGHT would like to thank Stu Hackel at the NY Times for this link. We are still in our infancy, and we' appreciate all the help we can get.