As the Chicago Blackhawks have gotten more popular, a curious phenomenon has shown itself at the United Center: Hockey Chicks.

You go to Cub games in the summer, and can spot the teenyboppers in Theriot jerseys, and the older ones in DeRosa jerseys, or you can go to a Sox game and see the slumpbusters in Konerko jerseys (Do they even make those in small?), but what to do about hockey season?

Well, most Hockey Chicks have shown themselves to come in one of two Hawks sweaters...Patrick Kane and Patrick Sharp.

If you see a Hockey Chick in a Kane #88 sweater, you'll probably be better off passing, or flying wingman for your nephew or kid brother. Otherwise, set your TiVo, because your ass is gonna be on "NBC Primetime", claiming "She told me she was 21!"

The ones in Sharp #10 sweaters are a safer bet. These are your more mature Hockey Chicks, and in some cases even serious Puck Bunnies. You can tell the Puck Bunnies by their longing glances at the Wives' Section, and the daggers stared back at them from that very section. Still, you've got a shot here, especially if you also have a Sharp sweater, since they'll eventually take you home once they know they've got no shot at the actual Sharp, and will probably ask you to hang your sweater over their bedpost. Sure, they're pretending you're someone else, but laid is laid. Your fragile psyche will have to go elsewhere for soothing.

But there are other sweaters, and other types of Hockey Chicks in them. Here's where we can help.

If you see a Hockey Chick in a Martin Havlat #24, you're going to get a lot of action for a brief period of time, before everything falls apart.

If she's wearing a Duncan Keith #2, tell her a joke. Make her smile. This gives you a chance to see if she has all her teeth. These girls are probably fast.

Anyone in a Bobby Hull #9 or Stan Mikita #21, steer clear, unless you're working your way through your mom's Canasta group.

A Hockey Chick in an Adam Burish #37 will put up a game fight. Don't expect much scoring here.

The ones wearing Brent Seabrook #7 sweaters probably aren't too bright. Expect something to go wrong here at the worst possible time.

A Hockey Chick in a Brent Sopel #5 is a good news/bad news proposition. Bad news: She's probably related to Sopel. Good news: Free Hawks tickets!

The ones in Ben Eager #55 sweaters will be frustrating. She'll make you think she's ready to go, then she'll cover everthing up. Just buy her some chocolate Turtles and be on your way.

Finally, if she's wearing a Jack Skille #11, a Chris Versteeg #32 or a Jordan Hendry #6, don't make any long-term plans. Just when you think you might be able to have a good time, she'll be off to Rockford again.

Hope this helps. We at HOCKEENIGHT are doing our part to allow neophyte Hawks fans to immerse themselves completely in the NHL experience.