Oh, look...here comes NHL Commissioner Gary "Beaver" Bettman, riding his bicycle home, with the latest issue of The Hockey News in his handlebar basket. Let's see how Beav is doing...

Hello! Anybody home?

Hey Beav, why are you yellin'?

Gee Wally, now that I've gotten the Winter Classic all scheduled for New Years' Day in Chicago, there's all kinds of stuff I guess they want me to do.

Like what, Beav?

Well, I guess I've gotta take care of tickets and all that junk.

How hard can that be? There's gotta be plenty of people who want to see the game.

Well sure, Wally. That's part of the problem.

How is having a game everyone wants to see a problem?

Well, there's the stadium. It holds 41,000, and last year we had a place that held over 70,000.

Gee Beav, that means a lot of people won't be able to get to go to the game.

Yeah, Wally. Also, hockey is just starting to come back in Chicago. The Blackhawks have the best attendance in the league. I don't know how to make everyone happy.

Well, how many season ticket holders are there?

About 13,000, I guess. Then there's the fans of the other team.

Who are they playing?

The Detroit Red Wings. The Red Wings traditionally play on New Years Eve in Detroit, so I have to do something for those fans to keep them happy.

How many season ticket holders do they have?

About 15,000, I think.

So what happens to the rest of the tickets?

Gee Wally, I dunno. We have to give tickets to friends and families of the players, sponsors, TV networks, junk like that.

So how many tickets have you promised out so far?

Gee Wally, I dunno, let me check with Lumpy.

In walks Beaver's friend and confidant, Lumpy Rutherford. Lumpy has been in charge of ticket distribution for the Winter Classic.

Hey Beav.

Lumpy, how many tickets have we promised for the Winter Classic?

Beav, we're doing better than last year. We've got 84,000 tickets promised out.

Gee Lumpy, that's twice what Wrigley Field holds! Wally, do you think we can have two games?

I don't think so Beav. Boy, people are gonna be sore.

In walks Beaver's dad Ward, to lend guidance...

Now Beav, you can't promise out more tickets than you can sell. The only way out of this is to grossly overprice the tickets, and sell them in a convoluted fashion. The seats that are the best for baseball will be the worst for hockey, and the nosebleed seats will sell for top dollar, say, $375 each. That way, the ticket demand, especially in an uncertain economy, will drop, and people won't complain as much about being shut out of tickets.

That night, Beaver Bettman puts on his NBA pajamas and goes to bed, with visions of $300 Winter Classic sweaters dancing in his head, secure that another disaster has been downgraded into a mere screwup. So be sure to join us next time for another exciting episode of LEAVE IT TO BETTMAN!