It's another cold December night in the Bettman house, and "Beaver" Bettman is nestling into his Zamboni-shaped bed, wearing his orange-and-blue Doctor Dentons with "99" on the back...looks like he's getting ready to dream his night away...

He's quickly awakened...

BETTMAN!

Gee, who are you?

I'm Eddie Shore, eh? I'm your Ghost of Christmas Past.

Why are you here?

To show you how hockey used to be, eh? Let's check in on a game in the fifties...

Who's the big guy with the puck?

That's Gordie Howe. He and Rocket Richard are the two biggest stars in the NHL. See the guy in the blue sweater? That's "Leapin' Louie" Fontinato, who is known for big hits and dropping his gloves. He's got his eyes set on Howe.

Who is protecting Howe?

Protecting? This is a man's game, son. Nobody protects anyone out here. Howe is a big boy, he can take care of himself.

Fontinato went right after Howe! Shouldn't he get an instigator penalty for that?

Well, see how Howe just laid him out? Probably broke some bones in Louie's face too. I'm pretty sure he'd rather get two minutes in the bin over what Gordie just did to him. See, this is a game that doesn't need the refs nearly as much as you seem to think it does. The boys on the ice have a code they follow, and they can keep each other in line. Or, would you rather go the way of baseball, where the umpires think they're bigger stars than the players?

Gee Mr. Shore, I can't market any referees, at least not since Kerry Fraser and his glorious red hair helmet.

Aww, don't listen to him Beav...

Sidney Crosby! Boy, am I happy to see you!

I'm your Ghost of Christmas Present!

Gee Sid, that's swell. I need to get your ghostly image on a poster.

Let's go look at a modern game...

Gee, Sid, why is the arena so empty?

Because, Beav, this is Atlanta. The league is over-expanded right now, so the talent pool is spread a little thin.

Gee, Sid, how can the talent pool be spread so thin? What about all the Russian and Czech players that weren't able to play in the NHL until around 20 years ago?

They've all gone back to Europe to play. The money's better over there, and they get to play closer to home.

But I've got you!

Sure Beav, you can put me on posters and magazine covers. But what happens when I vanish in the Finals and Malkin winds up stepping up big in the playoffs? He can always go back home to play, and where does that leave you?

I can't have that! We need to encourage players to stay in the NHL!

Sure, but look at a guy like Kovalchuk down there. He's got the skills to be an elite player, but he's in a city where people just don't like hockey. Maybe they could if they had a playoff contending team.

Gee, they had 76 points last season. That's respectable, right?

With the new points system, where teams get a point for losing in overtime, it took 94 points to make the playoffs in the Eastern conference. Point totals get inflated, and teams don't play as aggressively in the third period as they used to, they play it safe to get the one point, especially on the road.

Gee, so what is happening?

You've got too many teams, not enough quality players, and half-empty arenas.

Hey, the arena isn't empty in Chicago any more.

Gee, Patrick Kane!

I'm the Ghost of Christmas Future.

Gee, I'm really happy you and the Chicago Blackhawks are doing so well now.

I'm not a Chicago Blackhawk any more. The salary cap that has been put in place is so restrictive that it's impossible for an elite player to stay with his own team once his contract comes up. Players like Sakic and Yzerman are now relics of a bygone era.

So who do you play for?

The Guelph Predators.

Gee, there's a team in Guelph now?

Yep. They had to move out of Nashville, and into Canada, where the games are on a television network that people can actually find. I could only find Versus when there was a rodeo on.

But it was a National network! And we get games on NBC in the spring!

Sure, there's games on in the spring, when there's no more football to televise. It's hard to make us into household names when we can't get into any households. It's no accident that the Blackhawks began drawing once we started televising games.

Well, gotta run...we've got a big game tonight against the Hamilton Islanders.

At that point, Beaver wakes up, to find out he's all alone.

Gee, it was all a dream! I'm so relieved. Those dream people were all just in my imagination. Boy, am I happy now. If those people were real, I could have changed the game in the ways those "ghosts" thought could have "improved" the game. Since I know they're imaginary, I don't have to do anything at all!

With that, Beaver goes back to bed, with visions of $300 Winter Classic sweaters dancing in his head, secure that another disaster was just "imaginary". So be sure to join us next time for another exciting episode of LEAVE IT TO BETTMAN!