Hundreds Killed, Thousands Injured In Aftermath of Promotion: Hawks 4, Penguins 5 (OT)
But tonight's giveaway may have been the worst in history. We may never know why John McDonough and his braintrust thought it was a good idea to give out construction hard hats at hockey game, but clearly they underestimated the Hawks scoring prowess. While the Hawks played a sloppy game, and Cristobal Huet was terrible, captain Jonathan Toews put the team on his back tonight, scoring 3 goals and having a 4th disallowed. While a hat-trick is usually a cause for great celebration, Toews' brought only tragedy to the rink.
As Toews netted his 3rd goal, bedlam erupted amongst the Blackhawks faithful, followed shortly by horror, as fans begun attempting to fling their construction helmets onto the ice in celebration. Unfortunately, those in the 300 level were unable to reach the ice, and instead rained down destruction on their brethren in the more expensive seats.
Pat Foley's play by play call provides the best picture:
"It's a shot and a deflection and a GOAL BY JONATHAN TOEWS! It's Jonathan Toews first career NHL hat trick! And here come the hats onto the ice and, it looks like something else... I can't tell just yet what they are, but - Oh my God, Eddie, they're construction helmets!! Eddie, can you get this? Oh, they're plunging to the first level right in front of our eyes! One just landed on a stockbroker and spilled beer on his mistress! Oh, the humanity! The helmets are hitting the 100 level like sacks of wet cement! Not since the Hindenburg tragedy has there been anything like this!"
Even more tragically, the goal was disallowed thanks to the Koharski-like officiating crew's decision to have it reviewed. Luckily, Toews was able to complete the hat trick later in the game, becoming the first player in NHL history to get both his first and second NHL hat-tricks on the same night. although this brought another round of helmet throwing from the fans.
The Hawks were able to tie the game and force overtime, where the officials at one point allowed the teams to skate 5 on 4 despite the fact that overtime is to be 4 on 4, and the Hawks ended up on the wrong end of an Evgeni Malkin power play goal to take the OT loss. Coupled with the carnage that took place in the stands, this was a bad night for Blackhawks fans.
At press time, there was still no accurate count of the casualties. The NHL did report that while no players were injured, Sidney Crosby was overcome by the vapors while watching the game at home on television. Gary Bettman reportedly rushed to Crosby's side and applied a cold compress to his forehead while Sid the Kid rested on a Victorian fainting couch.
A clearly distraught and confused John McDonough gave a only a short statement after the game. Below is the footage from his press conference:
We're not sure what he meant by that either.
Steak sauce. Should we be surprised at the brutal officiating, since Koharski was on the ice?
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Nicely played Chris!
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The crew was Koharski-"like" because that donut-eater and his crew was actually on the ice.
This team desperately needs another center. Versteeg has just regressed as a hockey player while centering that Line 'O' Suck.
On the other hand, their defenseman--which was an area where they seemed kind of light last year--seems to be a strength now. I'm increasingly surprised at how well Cam Barker has been playing. Remember when we were calmoring for Wisniewski to to return earlier in the year? Since Barker, Seabrook and even Walker have stepped it up, Wisniewski's nearly looking like the weak link out there.
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Just like the old Stadium except instead of piss or beer it was a pound and a half solid plastic being hurtled at the back of your skull. Thank you Mr. McD.
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CT - The "first goal" wasn't a goal. I watched the replay on NHL on the fly, used the DVR to go slo-motion, frame-by-frame through the tip, and the blade of the stick was about 3"-5" above the crossbar when it struck the puck.
Toews did a good job of turning a puck that would've hit the glass behind Fleurry into a cause to chuck hard hats, but the rule is a rule.
If it were Malkin or Sykora tipping a Gonchar slapper and Huet complaining the puck was tipped with a high stick, you'd have wanted a review.
A play like that, regardless of team or officials, gets reviewed 99/100 times in the NHL, if not 100/100 times. The amazing thing is that Toronto actually got a call right. That's never better than even money.
As for Fork's diving allegations--I'm working on a response.
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I was ready to drop one or three of those genius Penguins fans by us. Or should I say, members of the Penguins organizations, since they kept talking about how "we" were going to win.
As for diving... good luck responding to the truth.
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Geez Morph, they were kids. They were just breaking balls. Besides, they took it as well as they dished it out.
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Fair point Fork. I don't always respond so well to poke-sticking.
Had a great time at the game despite the loss - thanks again for putting it together.
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I know Koho's son and brother as they are both AHL refs. They're both good guys, though I was tempted to send the brother a text about the shitty game Donuts had just called. I thought better of it since it could cost me some tickets in the future.
I thought Versteeg was the worst player on the ice Friday.
I was hoping for some photos of the group, perhaps molesting an Ice Crew girl or spilling beer on each other.
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We've never put pictures of ourselves on this site because a)our faces are pretty rough on cameras, b) other ego-driven sports blogs run by cold cut-fueled lunatics have done it to give themselves notoriety, and the Hawks are the story, not a couple guys with a blog, and c) there's a pretty good chance if anyone knew what we looked like, we'd wind up getting our asses kicked someday.
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SMorph just reminded me that we in fact have a bat from Yankee bat night somewhere. Our daughter got it when we went to that game. I remember clearly the people in the bleachers banging the bats on the back wall, on other bleachers, on whatever they could find. Awesome.
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