In April of 2008, the Chicago Blackhawks finally made the obvious decision to put all 82 of their regular season games on television.  While most of these would be carried by Comcast SportsNet, which the Hawks own a share of, several games were are slated to be broadcast on WGN television.  This move was couched as sort of a return to glory for the Hawks, as they'd once enjoyed wide exposure when WGN televised their games in the 1960's and 70's.  Granted, WGN was now a shell of its formal self, having moved the Cubs off their airwaves in favor of the shitastic programming of the WB (now CW) Network, but it still carried some name recognition.  So, prior to the 2009-10 season, the Blackhawks made the decision to place all their weekend games on WGN. 

The Setting:  A medium-sized city in central Illinois.

CT is visiting his in-laws and has called his brother who lives in the same area

CT: Hey, you want to watch the Hawks game tonight?

CT's brother:  Sure man, come on over.  Just checking though, it's not on Versus is it?  Because I have DirectTV now...

CT: Nah, it's on WGN, so we should be fine.

CT's brother: Great, see you in an hour or so?

Scene: CT's brother's house, about 6:25

CT's brother: (turns on WGN)

WGN Announcer:  And now our feature presentation, it's America's favorite Canadian import...

CT:  That seems like an odd way to refer to hoc...

WGN:

 

CT:  WHAT THE FUCK?!?

So instead of the Hawks/Pens game, CT and his brother are instead forced to watch Nebraska set offensive football back 50 years in losing to University of Texas (CT HATES Texas)

Scene: Back at CT's in-law's that night, CT is using the internet to see how the game went

CT:  Damn, 2-1 final in overtime, but maybe it wasn't that good a game.

The Fifth Feather:  "It may well be remembered as the most entertaining game of this regular season, and the Blackhawks took two points, beating the defending Stanley Cup champion Pittsburgh Penguins in Pittsburgh on Saturday night."

Second City Hockey: "Tonight's matchup lived up to the hype, and it definitely had a playoff type atmosphere."

CT: DAMMIT!

CT's eldest child enters the room

CT:  What are you doing up kiddo?

CT's child:  Daddy, my stomach hurts.

CT:  Hurts like you're hungry?  Hurts like you're sick?  Hurts li...

CT's child:  (vomits up her last 5 meals)  BLEEAAARRRRGGHHH!

CT:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

CT's child:  Uh, sick.

Scene:  Two weeks later, the United Center, office of John McDonough

McDonough: (on phone) Yeah, so I said, who gives a fuck how many years he wants Jim?  Just get the guy signed, we win the World Series, become civic heroes and the rest of it is Cuban's problem.

McDonough's assistant enters with what appears to be a Christmas present

McDonough:  Anyway, I'm sure you'll get a chance to run the franchise again, Mike, the old broad can't live forever.  Look I gotta run, we'll have lunch (hangs up) - what an asshole.  What've you got there, Steve?

Steve the assistant:  Well, it's a Christmas present, I think.  But there's no name on it.  Just a card that says "Thanks for everything you've done for the fans".

McDonough:  Sounds like that gift got to the right place then.  I have to tell you, ever since the retrospective on my first two years as team president aired on CSN, the kudos from the fans have been rolling in.  It's probably brownies or cookies or something, so open it up.

Steve places the box on McDonough's desk and opens it up

McDonough and Steve:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Steve:  Who...who would do such a thing?!?

McDonough:  Ah, probably Roenick.  Every once in a while he gets trashed and thinks that Bob Pulford still works in the front office and a box full of bodily fluids shows up here.

Steve:  I see.  Shall I call Mr. Tallon?

McDonough:  Yes, and make sure to tell him to bring the BIG mop.

End