Blackhawks at Blues: Always Be (HATE)Capping
Well the lockout giveth and the lockout taketh away. Mostly, it tooketh our first matchup with the St. Louis Blues who inspire in me so much hatred I could fuel all of the rockets in all of the world. For what it's worth I would aim all of those rockets at St. Louis.
With no NHL hockey to speak of you may be wondering what we've been doing with our free time. I was able to fly Hockeenight's private jet, BearForce One, down to St. Louis to check in on the famous home of Hockeenight's favorite bastard Ryan Reaves.
As I landed in the city that time and hygiene and sensible meal portions and fashionable clothing and high school diplomas forgot, I went to go check on Mr. Reaves. I knew I'd find him hanging out at his know well known place of residence: the dumpster behind the Purina building. We had a long conversation. Let's get to it.
- I should first mention that there is more than one dumpster behind the Purina building. As I found him, Reaves was half-covered in feces and dog food. Usually this is terrible but the smell helped me locate the dumpster he was in. Also, I looked for the shittiest dumpster.
- Reaves climbed out of the dumpster and swung at me but missed completely. He proceeded to veer off to the left and crash into the brick wall of the Purina Building, collapsing into a heap. It was hilarious.
- Reaves told me the lockout is really hitting him hard since he's not good enough to play overseas and the Peoria Rivermen have filled their moron quota by employing All-Time Dickhead Basil McRae's son Phil. Yeah, Phil McRae. So to keep in shape Reaves skates down at the local Y for 2-3 minutes every couple of days to keep in playing shape.
- There's no hockey. Seriously, I need more material. Get back to playing games before I lose my mind.
In case you were wondering how the game would have turned out don't bother. You would have all been asleep before the final horn because it's Ken Hitchcock for Christ's sake.
Go Hawks (eventually).