ALWAYS BE (re)CAPPING: Hawks at Leafs

Big Chey is hotter than Mama.I have stared into the abyss. And the abyss stared back.

Tonight as Chicago's leading Maple Leafs blog, we should have been enjoying the Hawks visiting T.O., and we could speculate on which proud wearer of the Indian Head would play the role of Cam Russell, getting his ass kicked by one of the Leafs.

Instead, here we are. And so tonight, for you tens of readers, I'm throwing myself on my sword by watching and recapping an episode of "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo".

For the unitiated, which was me before tonight, this show centers around the titular Honey Boo-Boo (proper name is Alana), who is a contestant in child beauty pageants. Then there's Mama, her "babydaddy" Sugar Bear, and three other daughters. Let's get to this:




How often do you watch a show that is ostensibly in English, but there are still subtitles? The only times I've ever seen it is interviews with Noel Gallagher, and this show. Noel has a thick Cockney accent, and these denizens of McIntyre, GA sound like shit salesmen with mouths full of samples.

Along with the pageant, we joined the family at the local "Redneck Games", where there were events like bobbing for pigs' feet, and belly flopping in a mud pit, in which various members of this family participated.  At some point during this was when my wife decided we were seeing one of the signs of the Apocalypse. I was clearly in no position to argue.

In another segment, Mama and #2 daughter "Chubette" both trundled onto their bathroom scale in order to start losing weight again. Chubs tipped the scale at 175. The best thing about Mama's weigh in was that it was on a digital scale, since if there was a dial, the needle would have spun with enough velocity to convert this bathroom appliance into a helicopter that would have had enough lifting capacity to get Mama airborne. There's no way that could ever end well.


This show is on TLC. This channel was originally started in 1972 by NASA for the purpose of providing educational broadcasting. What the hell happened?


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