Hawks/Penguins: ALWAYS BE (re)CAPPING
I cut a pretty dashing figure here, don't I?
Well, yet again, the world is deprived of Jonathan Toews and Sidney Crosby facing off in an NHL game. Fortunately for me, I at least have my other great love, ballroom dancing.
Look, I'm not going to pretend that this isn't a wierd combination, because it is. But I'll tell you what - I'm the lucky stiff that can walk into a room full of beautiful women and hold any of them in my arms simply by asking. And the beautiful woman in my arms the most happens to be the one I've been married to for 20 years.
But as long as we have the monumental stillness (that's a term used by World Smooth Champion Nick Kosovich to describe Tango) of the lockout, we're still doing these "nocaps".
So tonight I'm recapping "Dancing With The Stars". So let's get to this:
This week is "Fusion Week". Each couple has to perform two different dances to the same piece of music. My wife and I have actually performed routines like this - the first one we ever did was Foxtrot and Swing. So everyone had to do some combination. Shaun Johnson and Mark Ballas had it the easiest, doing Paso Doble and Tango. Look, I've been doing this for six years and I still can't tell the difference between these two dances. But everyone is so damn good at this point that all these medleys work.
Here's the other cool thing about this show, guys...let's say you want to watch Monday Night Football. Tonight is the Saints and the Eagles. Do you really want to watch that shit? I sure as hell don't. So you can sit with your wife (if she's so inclined), watch "Dancing With The Stars" and see amazingly hot women like Melissa Rycroft, Cheryl Burke, Kelly Monaco, Karina Smirnoff and Peta Murgatroyd in teeny, tiny outfits and still manage to come off like you're taking one for the team. Now, we never advertise on this site, but if you ever need a Get Out Of Jail Free Card, $25 is a helluva lot cheaper than jewelry or even sitting through a Katherine Heigl movie.
This show is ABC's big moneymaker. It gets huge ratings. As a result, they've been running political ads on here like there's no tomorrow. Actually, there is a tomorrow - there's just not a day after tomorrow. I'm not a planner for an advertising company, but I'm wondering how effective buys for a local Congresional candidate are at this point. I can't believe anyone is undecided, and with early voting there's probably a good chunk of the electorate who is no longer able to be swayed anyway. We tried to let our DVR buffer to where we could fast forward through the commercials, but we wound up catching up. That blew.
This damn lockout. I'm fucking sick of it. Like I said up top, we should be seeing Jonathan Toews and Sidney Crosby skating against each other. We should see Patrick Kane flying down the right wing bringing 20,000 to their feet instead of a few thousand Swiss people in an AHL-sized rink.
There are supposed to be more CBA negotiations tomorrow. In the immortal words of Alan Shepard,
Why don't you fix your little problem and light this candle?