Hawks vs. Stars: Always Be (re)Capping
Man, this is beginning to wear on me. I was kind of hoping we'd be back to recapping NHL games (or at least writing season previews) by now. But, as we settle in the for the long haul, I guess I'll just have to keep watching dumber and dumber shit. Tonight, it just fell into my lap. Seems my 18 month old daughter has fallen in love with the remote control, and she somehow managed to DVR approximately 20 minutes of AWA Wrestling that was showing on ESPN Classic.
Tonight's Recap: Yukon John Nord vs. Spike Jones from April 28th, 1990
Truly, this is one of the greatest matchups in pro wrestling history. A little background on the competitors - Spike Jones (not to be confused with Spike Jonze) appears to be the classic jobber. According to the Internet Wrestling Database (!) which is a real thing(!!) Jones' real name, nationality, date of birth and place of birth are all unknown. It appears that after this match Jones' career really took off, as he spent the summer of 1990 losing matches in the WWF to the likes of Brutus Beefcake, Demolition, The Rockers, The Hart Foundation, Jake "The Snake" Roberts and Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka. In all, not a bad little run for unremarkable looking fat guy in a unitard.
John Nord on the other hand had a long run in the WWF as The Berzerker, which involved him dressing up like a viking and apparently being managed by Mr. Fuji. On the bright side, he actually won some matches and once fought The Undertaker to a draw. At this point in his career, however, Nord was known as Yukon John Nord, with his gimmick being that he is a lumberjack. Anyway, on with the show:
Ring announcer Donna Gagne opens the action by giving us the vital statistics on each combatant. Donna's no model, but I'm not going to make fun of her as she looks remarkably normal for a woman who got half her DNA from wrestling legend Verne Gagne. Jones is already in the ring at this point, so we know he's going to lose. In a sign how much simpler times were when recording artists didn't attempt to seek compensation for their work, Nord enters the arena to Warren Zevon's "Werewolves of London", because he's a Canadian lumberjack. I'm sure it made sense at the time. Nord is accompanied by his tag team partner, Scott Norton who we'll get to later. The lumberjack theme is hammered home by Nord's outfit: he's wearing a flannel shirt (sleeves torn off, natch) carries an ax and is wearing blue jeans that are cut to capri pants so that we can see his Ugg boots. Also, he's wearing an animal pelt on his head.
The match is largely uneventful, with Nord winning in about 2 minutes by finishing with a leg drop. The highlight of the bout comes when Nord body slams Jones on the ground outside the ring which the announce team declares to be "rock hard cement" as opposed to the other type of cement, I guess.
THE GOOD: The real highlight of this whole affair is Yukon John's post match interview, which includes his tag team partner, Scott Norton. Those of you who watched WCW during the nWo Era may remember Norton as the power-bottom half of a tag team called Vicious and Delicious, which was every bit as gay as it sounds. Anyway, it seems like Norton was fairly new on the scene in the AWA at this time, so Nord decides to tell an anecdote that establishes Norton's bona fides as a badass. Nord rambles on but the moral of the story is, Scott Norton once ate 298 pancakes in a single sitting (5 more than the World Record) and his nickname is now "Flapjack" because nobody can eat more pancakes than him and he's the toughest man alive. And no, I did not make any of this up.
Also, I would be remiss if I did not mention the spectacular blonde mullet the ref of this match is sporting.
THE BAD: Poor Spike Jones...I wonder where he is today. Also, the match itself was boring as shit. Maybe I've become desensitized, but I need to see 6 guys in luchador masks leaping around like howler monkeys on mescaline if you want to keep my attention. Or at least some barbed wire or something.
THE UGLY: If I have to tell you what's ugly about a regional pro-wrestling promotion's match from 1990, you probably found this site on accident.
Good news! I found the match on Youtube. Skip to around 4:10 for the post-match interview.