Hawks vs. Oilers: Always Be (re)Capping

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Well, there's no NHL hockey tonight and there won't be any for a while. Maybe December. Maybe January. Maybe October 2015. I don't know. I'll use this space to say very quickly that while I understand the apathy from some (this whole process numbs the soul) I am not and will never be apathetic to this league. I love it - even when it goes through terrible stretches like this. We could be watching Sam Gagner score 9 goals agains the Hawks tonight but we are not. And so in return I give you my NHL 2012-13 preview, should there be a 2012-13. 

Here we go! 

Anaheim Ducks - Sheldon Souray? What? Come on. 

Boston Bruins - Johnny Boychuk? Huh?

Buffalo Sabres - Ville Leino? Oh my god. Seriously? 

Calgary Flames - Dennis Wideman? Is this a...what now?

Carolina Hurricanes - Joe Corvo? Dude. Gross. 

Chicago Blackhawks - Corey Crawford? I just - that's...it's...

Colorado Avalanche - Erik Johnson? Wasn't he a...he's just so...I mean, jeez. 

Columbus Blue Jackets - Everyone? I mean the whole team is so...

Dallas Stars - Ray Whitney? What is he like...you know. He's just super...ugh.

Detroit Red Wings - Jordin Tootoo? Didn't he go to...What? He's just...

Edmonton Oilers - Ben Eager? I mean yeah if he can just stay out of...you know he's a...

Florida Panthers -  Scottie Upshall? Oh yeah he's really going to...he's got the worst...come on. 

Los Angeles Kings - Willie Mitchell? Yeah when he's not...you know he's always...

Minnesota Wild - Dany Heatley? I mean you he's got all the...but he's just such a...Jesus.

Montreal Canadiens - Scott Gomez? Did he ever score a...he makes so much...he's from where?

Nashville Predators - Paul Gaustad? So much for a big...he's not really the kind of...sheesh. 

New Jersey Devils - Dainius Zubrus? Hey the...well they called and they were like...uhhh...

New York Islanders - Lubomir Visnovksy? Holy what? That guy is still...and he's getting...wow.

New York Rangers - Arron Asham? No way that guy's been on every...can't he just go...just...

Ottawa Senators - Chris Neil? Isn't he behind...I mean the police had to have at some point...

Philadelphia Flyers - Jody Shelley? He's not the sharpest cookie in the...I mean why is he...

Phoenix Coyotes - Raffi Torres? Seriously he should be electrocuted. 

Pittsburgh Penguins - Tanner Glass? Didn't he used to play for...remember when he...nah. 

San Jose Sharks - Marty Havlat? He's made out of...he can't even step on the ice without...ouch. 

St. Louis Blues - Ryan Reaves? Ever see a guy eat his own...live in his own...

Tampa Bay Lightning - BJ Crombeen? Whoa I thought he was...he's not really getting paid to...

Toronto Maple Leafs - Mike Komisarek? That big...what a waste of...oh my. 

Vancouver Canucks - Maxim Lapierre? Has he ever once...I mean not even one time did he...

Washington Capitals - Roman Hamrlik? I heard people say...I mean they actually think...oh lord. 

Winnipeg Jets - Olli Jokinen? Ever see that thing where he...oh man he's looking at this..ah. 

So there you have it. All 30 clubs thoroughly dissected so you'll be ready when the puck finally drops on the 2012-13 NHL season. 


 

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