HAWKS DEADLINE PICKUP: New Penalty Box Attendant
On the heels of his rousing triumph in the shoot-the-puck game during the second intermission of the March 26th Chicago Blackhawks' game at the United Center, Mr. T has announced he has taken a full time position with the team as the Visitors' Penalty Box Attendant.
"We're excited to have Mr. T as part of our organization," explained Blackhawks' President John McDonough. "Not only is he a native Chicagoan, but we feel that his vast experience in the area of fool pitying will be a huge asset going forward."
"That's right, I pity fools," Mr. T (whose real name is Laurence Tureaud) said. "Ain't nobody better be trying to sucka my Hawks while I'm on the job." When asked if he planned on travelling with the team in order to lend his expertise on the road, he replied that he would not be "gettin' on no damn plane".
He also explained the penalty box would no longer be a place for players to trash talk over the glass. "There ain't gonna be no clownin' in my box," the star of such films as "Rocky III" and TV shows such as "The A-Team" continued. "I ain't got no time for jibba jabba."
The exact terms of Mr. T's contract were not disclosed.