It’s time once again to relive childhood memories of playing hockey in an overhyped stadium with aging entertainers. Wait, you didn’t do that as a kid? Then you don’t have a good Winter Classic memory.
All this lead-up to the game feels like Christmas. Then you have the game, and afterward all you’re left with is less money and weird stuff you don’t want to play with. You’ll forget about it till someone brings it up, then it’s like a bad acid flashback.
Let’s get this over with.
Patrick Sharp scored the first Hawks goal, making him the first player in NHL history to score in outdoor games in two consecutive seasons (also last year at Soldier Field). Way to go, Fuck Lizard!
Gorilla Salad didn’t play for most of the second period. While it’s bad that it was probably due to injury, it was nice not to bitch about him being on the ice.
Brandon Saad’s goal was a beautiful display of the Red Wedding Line at work. Didn’t hurt that Hipster Goalie Jesus had a wide open net.
When the announcer doesn’t know who the fuck got a penalty, just call him Patrick Carcillo. It’s the new Donald.
The second Capitals goal was on Crawford for not grabbing that rebound, but Old Rickety Rozsival should’ve cleared the crease. Just leave him at some quiet farm in northern Virginia on the way back home.
Holy hell, these acts that played during intermission. Next year, it’ll be Confederate Railroad and Tiffany.
It was a 5 on 3 and nothing happened. I don’t care if they actually had some shots on goal or that they get the occasional power play goal, I fucking give up on hoping for one.
Versteeg left in the third with what looked like a nasty injury to his hand. Welp, that second line was great while it lasted.
Toews’ shitty “penalty” that led to Troy Brouwer’s last-minute goal. That felt scripted to me.
Alex Ovechkin. *mic drop*
I’m collectively nominating all the commentary on Lee Greenwood’s “performance”. Take a bow, Hockey Twitter.
Now it’s over. Let’s all relax our asses, because there’ll be plenty of cheek clenching for the rest of the season.