The Malört of Hockey Blogs

SO, ABOUT ALL DEM HITZ…: Hawks 4, Blues 2

Editor’s Note: Slak’s Hatecap will not be viewed today due to a tragic accident. Turns out the amount of venom he works up for the Blues spilled down into his beard and it frankly looks like Patrick Kane’s hairline. We apologize to those expecting a much higher quality of hate and assure you he will be returning for the next Blues Hatecap.

Who are we kidding? Slak’s beard is fine.

What could be finer than a Sunday matinee in West East St. Louis? According to David Backes, a Fido Filet. Syphilis of the shoe comes to mind, which is a possibility when one walks down Clark Avenue in front of the DrinkScotch Center. Fuck it, grab two points and get the hell out of here. Don’t talk to the methheads, don’t drink the water, and that isn’t pizza. It’s white grease on a Saltine. Put it down.

So. With the Hawks coming off a much-needed win over the Fake Jets and the Blues coming off a 7-1 Sopeldong-slapping at the hands of the Blue Jackets, I expected more shitbaggery out of the home team. C’mon, they got embarrassed on Friday night and their inferiority complex demands they beat the Hawks because “make a statement”. Please. When your local radio station runs a commercial that starts with “Blues fans! Get your cup at…” during a game, it’s obvious that everyone has given up on you. Even the Leafs have more hope for a Cup than the Blues do. “Yeah? Cardinals are 11 time World Series Champions, what about the Cubs?” Fuck you, I’m a White Sox fan. The Blues will continue to lose until they have the good goddam sense to quit paying noted toilet-baby Barret Jackman. “Historic point streak” be damned. 13 games, that’s cute. Enjoy playing the Tower Park golf course in May.

Let’s get to this:


Marian Hossa. As noted by JenLC

Brandon Saad. Elliott almost didn’t get a chance to leave the net due to Saad keeping the puck in. I will never get tired of watching this guy feed the puck to Hossa. There is no god but Hossa and Brandon Saad is his prophet.

Ronald Q. Pickle, Esq. Hey, I know you don’t usually do your thing until later in the season, but I’m all for you continuing this “parking my big ass in the slot” routine.

1 for 2 on the PP? I’ll take it.


As usual, “Andrew Shaw, Center” is the worst show on television and should be cancelled immediately.

It’s closely followed by “Michal Roszival, Turnstiled Defenseman”.

Backes’s goal. I can see not calling goaltender interference since Oshie got taken down. Maybe. Kind of. But that one can’t be blamed on Crawford when he has Oshie’s legs laying over his pads.


Gorilla Salad dressing. (see what I did there?) Yeah, momentum, grit, fart noises. Look, Steve Ott is a herpes-infested anal wart, but I was half-hoping he’d send Carcillo back to the locker room after their tussle.

Tarasenko’s goal. Actually, the only ugly part was Roszival getting left at the blue line. The goal itself was as filthy as Anheuser Busch wastewater.


Right. Because hits clearly won the game.

Up Next: Homestand starts tomorrow with the Desert Mutts coming to Fort Kickass. We’ll see you there.

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