The Malört of Hockey Blogs


kimmo is old

Dear Diary,

I’ve been sitting shiva for Patrick Kane’s season for four days now. Those Chevy Drives Chicago and BMO Harris commercials hurt me. On the upside, I’ve watched two llamas run away in suburban Phoenix, which could be taken as some kind of weird metaphor for the Coyotes. But then Leonard Nimoy died, so life is really crap and I’ll never stop reciting Mourner’s Kaddish, will I?

On top of this, the Blackhawks were shut out by the Lightning. Some people use sleep to escape their problems, and I really wish I had slept through this game. As it is, I’ll probably have nightmares when I do log off for the night. This blows, is it Purim yet? I want to drink till I can’t tell the difference between blessed Teuvo and evil Carcillo.

Signing off. Shabbat Shalom and Go Hawks 🙁



Um, the Kimmo Timonen trade? I don’t know a lot about the old man aside from his age and blood clots, but my Twitter timeline says the trade’s good for him being a rental. This is all providing he’s really as healthy and ready as he says he is. My expectation and fondest wish: goodbye Rozsival. The reality: Cumiskey gets sent down.

I suppose the Lightning are good at hockey, considering they’re wallowing in the Atlantic aka Flortheast Division. I’d be good at hockey in that division.

At least Rozsival and Carcillo were scratched again. Hey, we have to find positives in this load of horseshit.



SIX FUCKING PENALTIES. And the half-assed penalty kill was only half the problem. Why are there so many penalties. Knock this shit off.

Teuvo’s turnover that led to one of the Lightning goals (don’t ask me which one, they’re a blur). He’ll be in Q’s doghouse for a while. He should be thankful he doesn’t have a wife or girlfriend for Fuck Lizard to get his hands on.



What in the holy fuck was Duncan Keith’s malfunction? Bad passes, missed passes, turnovers, the four minute penalty…is he pissed that he didn’t get to binge on House of Cards yet or what?

Last night’s win was for Kaner. Tonight’s game was all “well, we won one for him, so fuck it from now on.” Good job, you assholes.



bolts hot take

Two days of rest, and then the team faces the Team Staal Toilet Bowls on Monday.

Updated: February 27, 2015 — 10:24 pm
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