HOCKEE NIGHT

The Malört of Hockey Blogs

WESTEN CONFERENCE 3: Blackhawks 3, Panthers 2 (SHO)

WHEN A SPY GETS FIRED, THEY DON’T GET A PINK SLIP.
THEY CUT HIM OFF. THEY BURN HIM. WHEN YOU’RE BURNED, YOU’VE GOT NOTHING: NO CASH, NO CREDIT, NO JOB HISTORY.
YOU’RE STUCK IN WHATEVER CITY THEY DECIDE TO DUMP YOU IN. YOU DO WHATEVER WORK COMES YOUR WAY.
YOU RELY ON ANYONE WHO IS STILL TALKING TO YOU: A TRIGGER-HAPPY GIRLFRIEND, AN OLD FRIEND WHO USED TO INFORM ON YOU TO THE FBI, FAMILY TOO…IF YOU’RE DESPERATE. BOTTOM LINE: AS LONG AS YOU’RE BURNED, YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

MY NAME IS MICHAEL WESTEN, AND I’M A SPY. A LOT OF BEING A SPY IS LIKE BEING IN A DENTIST’S WAITING ROOM: YOU READ, YOU DRINK COFFEE, AND OCCASIONALLY SOMEBODY TRIES TO KILL YOU.

WHEN YOU’RE NOT SPENDING EVERY WAKING MINUTE OF YOUR LIFE TRYING TO FIND OUT WHO BURNED YOU, YOU NEED TO TAKE AN ODD JOB HERE AND THERE THAT RELIES ON YOUR EXPERTISE. THIS ALLOWS YOU TO KEEP YOUR SKILLS SHARP, AND THE MONEY COMES IN HANDY.

FIONA GOES OUT AND MEETS WITH CLIENTS, AND SAM USES HIS OLD CONTACTS TO HELP GET US INFORMATION.

I support drilling Anwar.Michael, we have some work to do.

Yeah, Mikey, I just got a call from an old buddy of ours. Something about “talent acquisition”.

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DALE TALLON ONCE RAN THE TOP ORGANIZATION IN THE BUSINESS, IN CHICAGO. NOW HE’S WORKING IN MIAMI, AND HE HASN’T BEEN ABLE TO HAVE THE SAME SUCCESS. SO WHEN GUYS LIKE HIM CAN’T GET THEIR HANDS DIRTY, THEY CALL GUYS LIKE ME.

I need your help. I can’t get this organization moving forward with the people I have. I need some real talent in here.

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I support drilling Anwar.Michael, the only way they can ever get anybody like that is by being the worst team in hockey. How are we going to be able to do that?

Just throwin’ it out there, yo. We can mess up the ice real bad, and I can maybe go undercover as a player, make sure they don’t do that well. I can even ya know…”get hurt” late in the game if the guys on the team don’t get with the program.

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WHEN YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE A HOCKEY TEAM DOESN’T PLAY WELL, THE NEXT BEST THING TO HAVING BAD PLAYERS IS HAVING BAD ICE. THE BEST THING TO HAVE IS BOTH. MAKING BAD ICE IS AS EASY AS MIXING YOGURT INTO THE WATER WHEN YOU LAY THE ICE DOWN. IT’S WHITE, SO IT BLENDS IN WITH THE COLORED WATER USED TO MAKE HOCKEY RINKS. AND IT HAS A FREEZING TEMPERATURE LOWER THAN THAT OF WATER, SO IT WILL NEVER GET AS HARD AS REGULAR ICE.

I support drilling Anwar.Michael, what if I were to have a little fun with any team that has a record worse than the Panthers?

I’m sure a little C4 would be a nice adjustment in the standings. I think we can make Miami a little…hotter.

I dunno Mikey…once you start blowing things up, we can start drawing attention. And not the good kind.

I dunno if the kind of heat Fi’s talking about is really what we want.

FIIIII..WE CAN’T JUST RUN AROUND BLOWING UP OTHER HOCKEY TEAMS. WITH THE ICE WE PUT DOWN AND JESSE BEING IN POSITION, ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS NOW IS WAIT.

The sloppy ice hampers both teams, but Jesse/Tim Thomas lets in a pair to give the Chicago Blackhawks a 2-0 lead. The Blackhawks then let in two third-period goals in under four minutes before Jesse/Thomas leaves with a “pulled groin”. The Hawks then win in a shootout, getting two of three past replacement goalie Sam Axe/Jacob Markstrom.

See that Mikey? Easy peasy.

All right people, that’s how we do what we do when we do what we do!

Updated: October 31, 2014 — 12:17 pm
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