The Malört of Hockey Blogs


So this week, a video started making the rounds, which had one of the Blackhawks’ Ice Crew girls bumping her ass into the goal camera in one of the nets.

When I say “making the rounds” I mean “viewed thousands of time by people who have apparently never seen a lady butt”.

This is nothing new to the Blackhawks, or to hockey in general.

Now before we go any further, you’re probably wondering why in the hell this writer and this site are bringing this up at all. After all, we took a fuckload of heat last season for the whole “Gorilla Salad” thing. We also had a couple laughs when a woman adjusting herself seemed to spur Jonathan Toews on to getting a hat trick (although I did suggest a male fan hang brain in the next game to see if it would have the same effect. Sadly, nobody did)

In our defense, calling us “sexist” is giving us more credit than we deserve. We generally don’t put enough thought into anything to have any sort of “ism” attached to it.

But let’s get back on track here. The Blackhawks send out a bunch of pretty girls with shovels during TV timeouts to scoop up some snow. When they go out in the first period, they get their names and headshots up on the Jumbotron. While the snow getting cleared makes the ice more true until they can drive the Zamboni out, would it be done any less effectively if the Ice Crew was wearing anything other than the tiny outfits you see in this picture?

Of course not. The Blackhawks get a bunch of pretty girls (who can all skate better than Brent Seabrook some nights), put them in tiny outfits, and give guys something to leer at.

Then there’s the shoot-the-puck thing that happens after the second period every night. We all know the drill. Kid shoots first, pretty girl shoots second, male fan shoots third, celebrity shoots fourth.

When the kid and male fan shoots, there isn’t too much in the way of music or anything else. Of course, whenever the girl shoots, Frank Pellico plays “The Stripper” on the organ, with some extra simulated bass drum effects.

And the girl shooting the puck is either all cleavage or in some sort of high heels. In fact, there have been some women who have been out there more than once. So, as they say, it takes two to tango.

But all of this is just a sad dance. There are 20,000 people in the United Center every night. An awful lot of those people are female. Sending out a good looking guy to shoot the puck (other than Patrick Sharp) wouldn’t be any less sad and pathetic at this point.

The Blackhawks keep telling us what a first-class operation they are, maybe it’s time they act like one. It’s time to retire these types of things. Hell, they stopped with the two opposing players on the Kiss Cam, there’s no need to treat the women who come to games this way. And they know they don’t have to keep doing gimmicks for the sake of doing gimmicks. Hell, when was the last time you saw Taint Nugget?

Updated: October 31, 2014 — 12:17 pm
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