After what can only be described as the most boring offseason in history (despite the creation of our brand new team), the NHL is finally almost ready to spring it’s patented brand of fun mixed with chronic stupidity on its unsuspecting fanbase (the NHL sounds a lot like Hockeenight now that I think about it). But we can’t start a season without a vague and useless analysis of each and every team, helpfully pegged to a completely arbitrary standard! Thus we are pleased to announce the return of “View From The Top”.
Last year the Philadelphia Flyers once again parlayed their goaltending-optional style of play into a third trip to the draft lottery in the last 5 years. This time, Dame Fortune took pity on the City of Scrapple and Tastykakes and they got the second overall pick, which they used to draft Nolan Patrick. When they highlight of your year is getting a teenager who is better than anybody who suited up for you all year…woof.
Patrick will be playing, as will rookie Donald Lindblom. Did we mention that Patrick missed all last season with a sports hernia? Number two overall, folks.
Claude Giroux and Jacob Voracek will be easy to spot, as they will take turns wearing “TRADE ME” as their nameplate.
They’ve got a bunch of dudes.
They went out and signed Brian Elliot, who manned the net in Calgary, where they decided the best way to upgrade their goaltending was to let Elliot walk and bring in Mike Smith. So buckle up.
I mentioned scrapple. Scrapple is fucking awesome. My mother in law lives in Trenton NJ, and one of the highlights of visiting her is going to a diner to get scrapple. Hell, even the IHOPs down there have it. Scrapple fucking rules.
ARE THEY BETTER THAN THE KNIGHTS?:
They seem to be very happy getting lottery picks.