HOCKEE NIGHT - The Malört of Hockey Blogs

POWERLESS: Bruins 2, Blackhawks 0

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Forklift) — 2013-06-18T03:04:02Z

Well, this sucked.

The Chicago Blackhawks came out with all the fire of an ice cube tonight, stumbling through sixty uninspired minutes of hockey, getting shut out 2-0 in TD Garden to fall behind the Boston Bruins two games to one in the Stanley Cup Final.

The Hawks somehow decided the most effective way to challenge Tuukka Rask was by firing 30 and 40 foot shots on net, while the Bruins just lined up three guys in front of Rask, so he didn't really have to work too hard, as 17 Chicago shots were blocked.

Let's get to this:

THE GOOD:

Ben Smith. He had to dress at a moment's notice, in the Stanley Cup Final. He handled it like a veteran. Thank God QStache went with him over Bollig. Perhaps he should have done that in Games 1 & 2, Oh well, hindsight is 20/20. Except if you had told me Q was going to dress somebody who hadn't seen game action since the regular season before Game 1, Bollig would have been Plan C to me, behind Smith and Jeremy Morin. Bottom line is, Smith was good tonight.

Corey Crawford. This game could have been an absolute curbstomping, but only Crow kept it to the point where the Hawks were within striking distance if they had been able to extricate their heads from their anal orifices.

Everyone off the ledge. All the Hawks needed to do in Boston is split. Which they can still do with a win on Wednesday. You'd rather they won the first game in Boston, so they could go into Wednesday night playing with house money, but now it's a must-win. And if you can't pull out a must-win in the Stanley Cup Final, you get to see your Championship shirts and hats get shipped to Africa, it's that simple.

THE BAD:

Hossa in the locker room instead of on the ice. When you're in the other team's building needing a win, you'd like to do it with all your weapons. Hossa got hit with a shot during warmups, and Smith had to get dressed pronto. Of course, NBC's crack coverage told us that Zdeno Chara tripped during warmups and walked off the ice, but didn't tell anyone about Hossa. Don't you have enough guys there to keep an eye on each team?

Michal Handzus. Took ten faceoffs, lost ten faceoffs. In fact, QStache never even sent him for a draw in the third period. -4 CORSI for the game. Man, was he brutal.

THE UGLY:

The Hawks PP. Instead of "Power Play", maybe this should be "Putrid and Predictable". No, that's stupid. But when the Hawks' biggest advantage over Boston is skating and moving with speed, the wise thing to do when there's one less Bruin on the ice is to...remain as still as possible. Especially when everyone is in the same place, moving the puck in the same direction, and Boston's best defenseman is essentially a human 747, the Bruins will eventually figure it out and start getting some shorthanded breakaways. Like they did tonight. And until the Blackhawks can prove that taking a penalty is actually a penalty and not a two minute breather while the Hawks play with themselves, I would ~~only stop short of~~ be performing on-ice eviscerations if I'm the Bruins.

Next up is Game 4 Wednesday night in Boston. Don't hit the panic button just yet.

All content copyright 2013 hockeenight.com. Any reproduction or reuse of this material without the written consent of the authors is prohibited.

Puckcast: Hockeenight Has Brunch

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Hockeenight) — 2013-06-17T11:29:05Z

Tonight, Hockeenight rights one of the few wrongs from the Live Puckcast by having on Mike from Hockey Brunch in Chicago (Mike was one of like two people who showed up that we failed to put on the air).

So, what did he have to wait an entire week to talk about?

THE STANLEY CUP FINAL - Is it over?
People who call the Score
Barry Rozner
Bollig? Stalberg? Eh?
Why we need a Phil Esposito Channel on Sirus XM
The "Chicago Stronger" flap
Cubbee Tees measured response
Hockey Cards
You'll have to listen to the end to find out CT's great idea for a shirt

All Even: Hawks 1, Bruins 2 (OT) Series Tied 1-1

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (CT) — 2013-06-16T04:23:11Z

I have a problem. You see, I ride the train to work every day, and I cannot resist listening to sports radio. And so, for the last two days I've been listening to my good friend Barry Rozner (filling in for the vactioning Mike Mulligan) tell me that the Bruins are dead in the water, that Claude Julian is making excuses, that Tukka Rask is probably being burned in effigy by his own teammates and that this whole series is as good as over. As usual, Barry Rozner is a complete idiot. Then again, what more should I expect from a guy who dismisses everyone who disagrees with him with the phrase "you've clearly never played the game". Barry, playing rec league hockey with other old, fat, slow guys is NOT the same as playing the NHL. Please stop pretending that you've played the same game as say, Jonathan Toews, or even Akim Aliu. you haven't.

And naturally, the Bruins didn't completely implode and give up. Because you don't fucking reach the Stanley Cup Final and then pack it in after losing a single game. I think a lot of people are going to look back that this one and say the Hawks deserved to lose, but I think that's bullshit. The Hawks definitely had their chances to win this game early, and Tukka Rask and their terrible power play kept them from doing so. So it goes.

THE GOOD

The First Period: The Hawks absolutely dominated the first 20 minutes of play. It was a vintage performance and if Chicago had been able to maintain it for the full 60 the game would have been won.

Patrick Sharp: Hockey's most handsome man came out on fire tonight, getting 7 shots on net and scoring Chicago's only goal.

Corey Crawford: The Bruins took play to the Hawks in the second and third periods and Crow made some outstanding plays to keep Chicago from losing this one in regulation.

Likewise on the other side...

Tukka Rask: Rask clearly wasn't feeling the effects of the triple overtime game. He was fucking brilliant, particularly in the 1st period.

Patrice Bergeron: He was everywhere. If I could take one player off the Bruins roster right now, it'd be this guy.

THE BAD

Power Play: and once again, this is where the game was lost. While Boston came back strong in the 2nd and 3rd periods, the Hawks had 3 power plays in this game and a goal on any of them would have likely given Chicago a regulation win. I'm not sure there's a solution, other than to hope that this unit is able to stumble into a couple of games worth of competence like they did against Detroit.

The Adventures of Johnny and Nik: they weren't on the ice for the Bruins goal (when Nick Leddy was victimized by Daniel Paille) but these two scared the hell out of me more than once. Leddy in particular seemed to have the yips, and at one point threw a blind pass into the middle of his own defensive zone with no Hawk in sight. Luckily Boston seemed to stunned to turn it into even a decent chance.

THE UGLY

Brandon Bollig - Look, for the record, I am not hanging this loss on Bollig. I actually believe he'd been perfectly serviceable until what turned out to be the final shift in overtime tonight. But he fucked up on that shift and couldn't handle what should have been an easy clearing attempt, and it ended up in the back of the net for the game winning goal. My problem here is that I think Q's got at least 3 better options in the press box right now. Morin, Smith and yes, Viktor Stalberg are all better players than Bollig. And the way Kruger and Frolik are playing right now, I'd like to see somebody with a little more skill to round out that line, as they're definitely getting their chances to score.

Anyway, we're two games in and it's now a best of 5 series. Up next is Game 3 in Boston on Monday night. Until then, it's a long way down that Holiday Road.

GAME ONE IN-DEPTH: What We Learned

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Forklift) — 2013-06-14T12:52:00Z

Wednesday night was fun, right? Epic triple overtime, big win.

But in the books, it's still just one win.

I'm not here to piss on the parade, mind you. But if Boston suddenly runs the table, all the Andrew Shaw sound bytes in the world won't make it better. Still, they need to win 4 out of 6, and the Hawks need to win 3. Which is all you can ask for after one game.

What did we learn from what was essentially a hockey doubleheader? Actually, more than you usually do after one game.

Patrick Kane's game winner against LA was even bigger than we thought.

Sure, it was a great highlight for the season video, and the Kings weren't allowed to get up off the mat. But when we got into that third overtime, the Bruins' legs were clearly heavier than the Hawks. The Hawks' conditioning has been trumpeted for years, but Kane's one-timer past Jonathan Quick meant the Hawks didn't have to fly to/from Los Angeles, and they didn't have to keep skating while the Bruins watched them on TV.

The Hawks depth is phenomenal.

Jonathan Toews, Marian Hossa, Patrick Sharp and Kane were held to a combined one point over 5 1/2 periods of hockey. So the Hawks were able to ride goals from Brandon Saad, Dave Bolland, Johnny Oduya and Andrew Shaw to the win. And absolutely nobody in Chicago was surprised. Because of the Hawks' scoring depth, they really don't have to rely on the big guns on a regular basis. Which means that when Claude Julien sends the Massive Mutant and Seidenberg out against either Toews or Kane, somebody is going to get some room to work.

The Bruins are in uncharted water.

The Bruins went to seven games in the first round, and cruised through the next two. More than that, they haven't played a team that really took it to them. If you look at their CORSI charts for the postseason, they never had a game this spring where the team shot differential even got to -10. The Hawks had them at -51 in less than six periods of hockey. They were clearly unaccustomed to the rink being tilted toward Tukka Rask this badly. Not to mention, no team rallied to come back against them like the Hawks did Wednesday night.

QStache remembers 2010.

Sure, it was fun seeing Kane and Toews together for those two games against the Kings. But the answer in the 2010 Final to Chris Pronger is the same as as it is here. Make Julien decide where the monster will look for dinner. Having these two, along with Hossa and Sharp, means somebody will get acquainted with the Bruins' second pair. While the dropoff isn't as dramatic as it's been in other series, it's still there to be exploited.

The Hawks can take a punch.

This has been going on all postseason, every team has had the basic strategy of hitting anything with an Indian head. And the result has been the same in every series, the Hawks being on the happy end of a handshake line on home ice. While the Hawks don't have the size of the Bruins, they also didn't have the size of the Red Wings or Kings. They are one tough bunch of mofos, and teams continue to learn this the hard way. In some perverse way, maybe the Hawks owe their previous foes a debt of gratitude, because everyone in the Hawks' dressing room got full measure of just how much steel they've got hanging in their jocks. Now the Bruins are finding out.

The Bruins have heart.

They had Game 1 in the bag, but the bag broke. Going from a two goal, third period lead to a tie game in less than five minutes would be a huge kick in the dick tip for lesser teams. Then Nathan Horton left the ice with his shoulder in pieces to not return shortened their bench. But the Bruins kept coming, and the Mutant drawing iron instead of bending twine when he had a wide-open side of the net is the only reason Andrew Shaw saying "fuck" happened on TV and not in the locker room.

This series is a long way from over.

Yeah, I'm finishing with a cliche. So sue me. Again, having to win 3 out of 6 is better than having to win 4 out of 6. There's no way this series ends in 5 or less. The Bruins have far too much talent and heart to go quietly. But as a wise man once said, it's a long way down the Holiday Road.

3 DOG NIGHT: Blackhawks 4, Bruins 3 (3OT)

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Forklift) — 2013-06-13T05:07:30Z

How in the hell are any of us going to survive an entire series like this? The Chicago Blackhawks and Boston Bruins apparently didn't understand that they didn't have to try playing all seven games of the Stanley Cup Final in one night, with the Hawks prevailing 4-3 in the third overtime in the United Center to give the Hawks a 1-0 advantage in games.

Let's get to this:

THE GOOD:

This game. Jesus. Hopefully that one friend you have who never liked hockey but decided to hang out anyway because everyone else was watching the game was there. Because there is no way you could have watched this game, whether you were in a room full of Blackhawks or Bruins fans and not come away believing that hockey is the best game on God's green earth.

Brandon Saad. He picked one helluva time for his first career playoff goal, when he cut the Boston lead from two goals to one. If he had any jitters from playing in his first ever Final game, it sure didn't show.

Dave Bolland. He played like the Dave Bolland we all came to love, scoring a goal and an assist and playing defense, clearing a puck out of the crease in the third, then clearing another in overtime. This is what the Hawks need.

Andrew Shaw. Along with scoring the winner, he was working hard at both ends of the ice all night, and drew a high sticking penalty on the Massive Mutant, even though the Hawks couldn't capitalize on it, which brings us to...

THE BAD:

The Hawks' power play. Let's just call it the "Extra Guy", since there's no power to it, and calling it a "man advantage" is every bit as much of a misnomer. They had over a minute of 5-on-3 time, and they could not make anything happen. Fucking horrendous.

Niklas Hjalmarsson had a really rough night at the office, at least the first 45 minutes or so. Going for the hit and giving up position allowed Milan Lucic to shed Jonathan Toews and get into open ice to bang home the first goal of the night. In fact, he was on the ice for the Bruins' three goals.

THE UGLY:

Watching Nathan Horton's shoulder damn near break through his sweater and land in the 200 level. It hurt just watching it.

Meatballs whistling in the second overtime...seriously, guys? Are you high?

And the title? Three puppies left.

All content copyright 2013 hockeenight.com. Any reproduction or reuse of this material without the written consent of the authors is prohibited.

BLACKHAWKS/BRUINS: By The Numbers

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Hockeenight) — 2013-06-11T13:07:15Z

The Hockeenight Mathletes have once again reassembled to crunch the numbers for us, this time for the Stanley Cup Final between the Chicago Blackhawks and Boston Bruins.

They were not able to attend yesterday's live Puckcast, because they were working on the numbers. That, and their mothers don't let them go out on a school night.

So for one last time before they all leave for Science Camp, here is their breakdown:

6 - The number of times the Chicago Blackhawks and Boston Bruins have met in the postseason.

1 - The number of series won by the Blackhwks.

0 - The number of times the Blackhawks and Bruins have met in the Stanley Cup Final.

∞ - The number of times this will be mentioned before the puck drops for Game 1.

0 - The number of Chicago Blackhawks who have been photographed nude for a magazine.

1 - The number of Boston Bruins who have been photographed nude for a magazine (Zdeno Chara)

1967 - The last year the Toronto Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup.

1967 - The number of times Leafs fans have watched Game 7 of their series this year against Boston, hoping for a different outcome.

$8,000,000 - The amount the Boston Bruins will pay Zdeno Chara.

$8,023,007 - The amount of money made by "My Giant", starring Chara and Billy Crystal.

1970.5 - The distance in miles between Boston and Denver.

1970.5 - The distance in miles that Ray Bourque travelled to win a Stanley Cup.

3,000,000 - The number of Bruins fans who will tell you that Boston is the best hockey city in America.

3 - The number of reporters left covering the Bruins now that the Patriots have signed Tim Tebow.

1.75 - Goals per game allowed by Tukka Rask in this year's playoffs..

1.74 - Goals per game allowed by Corey Crawford in this year's playoffs.

21 - The number of years since Jaromir Jagr has played in the Stanley Cup Final.

2 - The number of players who are playing in this year's Final who weren't born yet when Jaromir Jagr last played in a Stanley Cup Final (Brandon Saad, Dougie Hamilton)

BLACKHAWKS IN 6

PUCKCAST LIVE!

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Hockeenight) — 2013-06-10T23:26:48Z

This was our 200th Puckcast.

And we'd be lying if we said we didn't do it in style.

Thanks to everyone who came to Galway Bay to make noise and have a good time.

On this 'cast we discuss:

Malort
The Patrick Kane "Sun's out, guns out" sleeveless hockey sweater
BLACKHAWKS LEGEND BOBBY ORR
Freddie Prinze Jr.
Feedback
Jeremy Roenick

Plus, we damn near got everyone who was there up to the mic. Anyone we missed, we'll get you next time.
And there WILL be a next time.

Enjoy.

All content copyright 2013 hockeenight.com. Any reproduction or reuse of this material without the written consent of the authors is prohibited.

PATRICK KANE IS SATAN BLACKHAWKS 4, KINGS 3 (2OT)

slaky1980@gmail.com (Slaky) — 2013-06-09T04:21:36Z

Up three games to one, the Chicago Blackhawks had a chance to join the Boston Bruins in the Stanley Cup Final with a win on home ice. It's important to note that the Los Angeles Kings have been abysmal on the road and the Blackhawks are usually quite good at home.

I was going to write a lot of stuff about the game and what happened but instead they decided to take this thing to double overtime which meant more beers, more heart palpitations, my wife actually paying attention to hockey (!!!!), and so here we go.

THE GOOD:

- Patrick Kane was roundly criticized by many people all over the world and Internet. He shut everyone up tonight in the best way possible: he scored three goals including the game winner in the second overtime. Everyone who ever said he should be traded, benched, thrown in a vat of dick hair that was on fire, or whatever can drink a tall glass of my butt spray. Patrick Kane is pure Satan.

- Bolland in the final minute grinding the clock down. Whoa Dave. Nice job. I wrote that as a note before the Kings tied it. What a dummy I was! So young. So naive.

- How about that first period? The Blackhawks built a tent in the Kings zone and had a party in there. It was the Hawks clicking on all cylinders or, as Brian Engblom put it: "enthusiasm".

- I don't know - there was a lot. Who cares they won.

THE BAD:

- They shouldn't have let Mike Richards stand there late in the third. This is the kind of hard hitting analysis you get after a double OT game that ends a series.

THE UGLY:

- Davis Payne is a Kings coach. Hahaha. Good lord that pudding head is still around. What an asshole.

That's it. I'm done. We're all very happy. Enjoy this.

EVERYONE EXHALE: Blackhawks 3, Kings 2 (Blackhawks lead series 3-1)

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Forklift) — 2013-06-07T04:30:02Z

What a nailbiter.

The Chicago Blackhawks scored two unanswered goals, one late in the second period, one in the third, to overcome a Los Angeles Kings lead to hand the Kings their first home loss of the postseason. Oh, and now Saturday night turns into an elimination game in Fort Kickass.

And they did it without Duncan Keith, who was serving his one-game suspension. Keith was replaced by Sheldon Brookbank, the Skating Accountant.

Let's get to this:

THE GOOD:

Ronnie Pickles. A huge goal after Slava Voynov gave the Kings an early lead. He had his second goal, but Patrick Kane tapped it in at the goal line. We might as well get ready for DA HOCKS GOTTA GET DAT BICKELL GUY BACK for the next five years, since he's John Druce-ing his way to a colossal payday. The good part is that the entire city of Chicago gets to go along for the ride.

Kane. QStache threw the lines in a blender, and put Kane back on Jonathan Toews' wing. The result? Not only did Kane get his goal, but he looked like...Patrick Kane the rest of the night. For whatever reason, Kane and Hand Zeus never really gelled. Which is fine since Zeus then got paired with Marian Hossa and they teamed up on the game winner.

Johnny Oduya. And Michal Rozsival. And Niklas Hjalmarsson. And Brent Seabrook. And Nick Leddy. Hell, even The Accountant. With Keith out, the defense needed to step up. How did they do? Oduya and Rozsival had +10 and +11 CORSI ratings, respectively. Hjalmarsson had a pair of assists, and was a beast on the Penalty Kill. Seabrook blocked three shots. Leddy carried the mail. Sure, Brookbank wasn't great. But for a guy who hasn't seen game action for a couple months, and was a #6 defenseman when he played? Nobody promised you a rose garden.

Taking care of business. After taking the first two on home ice, a split in Staples Center was what they were looking for, and they got it. Now they've got the series by the throat. They clamped down hard on the Stanley Cup Champs, holding the Kings to a mere 20 shots on goal, including a measly 2 in the third period.

THE BAD:

The Power Play was brutal. They had almost a minute of 5-on-3 time, and had nary a shot on goal. But since the Kings' power play was equally fruitless, no harm no foul I guess.

THE UGLY:

Dustin Penner was obviously cranky tonight. Clearly he didn't get his usual pregame 4-way Animal Style from In-N-Out. He threw a forearm shiver into Dave Bolland's melon, then high-sticked Kane in the choppers. After calling Keith on the carpet, I'm guessing this merits at least a telephone call.

And I'm guessing Slak is feeling a draft these days.

In the meantime...

DAMMIT, DUNC: Keith Suspended for Game 4

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Forklift) — 2013-06-06T00:08:05Z

We all know this guy.

Decent guy. Really solid. You call him when you need furniture moved, and he drops what he's doing. Always shows up with good beer, never skips out when it's his turn to buy at the bar. Always willing to kick in gas money if you're driving.

But...you don't ever know when it's going to happen. You could be hanging out, having a good time, and somebody bumps into him and he spills some of his drink on himself. He's driving, and somebody pulls out in front of him. He's wearing new shoes and somebody steps on them and leaves a scuff.

Suddenly this guy loses his shit and turns into a raging asshole.

Number 2 in your scorecard, ladies and gentlemen.

This is not the first time that Duncan Keith has gotten suspended for doing something really stupid in retaliation for something stupid being done to him. Last night, Jeff Carter flipped Keith's glove off and slashed at his bare hand.

Last year, Keith got 5 games for going full Matt Cooke on Daniel Sedin after Sedin nailed Keith in the chin with his shoulder. And speaking of Cooke, in 2009 Keith scored a headshot on the Pittsburgh Penisloaf after Cooke blindsided him, but didn't receive a suspension. Because, you know, Matt Cooke.

Also this year was then Keith took the bait from reporter Karen Thomson earlier this season, when she asked a question about a slash, and he replied with a crack about her being the first female referee.

So what does all this mean?

Basically, Duncan Keith is a fucking hothead.

Look, as much as our friends in British Columbia would like to believe that Keith is basically the Antichrist on skates, the fact is that he doesn't go out there like Cooke or Raffi Torres, looking for somebody with their head down. Or Shane Doan, who goes headhunting when he gets beaten on a play. Or his own teammate, Gorilla Salad, looking for anybody near the boards and not from Planet Twilo.

No, Keith can be goaded into taking dumb retaliatory shots. And now they have cost him 6 games total. And it isn't going to get any easier from here on out, because the book on Keith is clearly that when he gets mad, he gets stupid. Also, referees are not going to suddenly start giving him the benefit of the doubt when they keep seeing him do this shit.

Now, I don't know what kind of playgrounds Keith grew up playing on. But we've probably all had that experience where the second punch was the one that got caught by the teacher. And "He started it!" has never been a successful defense, dating back to Hammurabi.

For a veteran player like Keith, who is also an elite defenseman (You know he's as much of a lock for Team Canada as Jonathan Toews is), you'd think he'd know better. You'd think. When things like a slash or a blindside happen to him, he needs to just take the number and even it up later on.

Maybe then the other guy gets caught retaliating.

All content copyright 2013 hockeenight.com. Any reproduction or reuse of this material without the written consent of the authors is prohibited.

WOOF: Hawks 1, Kings 3 (Series 2-1 Hawks)

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (CT) — 2013-06-05T04:15:14Z

Before we begin, a quick word on announcers.

First off, the announcers (whoever they might be) are NOT against YOUR team. Yes, I know they said good things about the Kings and wouldn't shut the fuck up about Sutter's brilliant idea to move Jeff Carter to center. But, until the third period, the Hawks didn't really give them much to work with. I'm sure most LA fans sat through games 1 & 2 fuming over Donald Pang's Midwest Bias. So just settle down about shit like this. The announcers aren't going to beat the Hawks. But you really blame them for wanting LA to make a series of this thing. I mean, they're all basically fired as soon as the Western Conference Finals end.

Anyway, LA came out and played their best game of the series. They were about as good as I've seen them and they won 2-1. The poise the Hawks had previously showed in breaking out against the Kings forecheck was completely absent and what passes were made never seemed to connect cleanly. Time to regroup and focus on what got the Hawks this lead in the first place. If they do that, there's no reason this series shouldn't go back to Chicago at 3-1.

THE GOOD

Brain Bickell - Ronny Pickle had himself a nice night, scoring a nice goal on a wraparound, throwing his body around and getting some good PR from the announce team. I'm going to TOTALLY OVERLOOK the fact that Bickell was glued to the bench for the second half of the first period.

Corey Crawford - This one sure as hell ain't on Crow. He did all he could, but the Kings tilted the ice for the first two periods and got just enough to win.

Penalty Kill - killed off 5 power plays including a high-sticking double minor. I'm not a master tactician by any means but Chicago might want to consider not taking stupid penalties.

THE BAD

Injuries - The Hawks have been very lucky from a health standpoint...Patrick Sharp took a hit from Dustin Brown and hurt hisself, and later Niklas Hjalmersson blocked a shot and died on the ice. Hopefully he'll be in the lineup on Thursday.

Patrick Kane - I'm not one of those meatballs WHO TINKS PATRICK KANE IS TOO SOFT FER DA PLAYOFFS but Kane had a couple of glorious fucking chances in the third period where he chose to try and thread the needle on a pass instead of taking what was a clear shot. And THAT is exactly the sort of thing I don't want to see from him.

Hawks Defenseman - I don't have a good word for any of them really. Between Rozsival's follies, Brent Seabrook's falling down all over the place, Oduya playing like he drank a gallon of coffee, Hammer injuring himself with that dumbass shotblocking style and Duncan Keith's stupid double minor penalty, there is little to recommend from tonight. I guess Nick Leddy didn't completely fuck anything up. He's got that going for him.

THE UGLY

What the hell is with this scheduling, anyway? I don't think it hurts one team more than the other, but considering the Hawks and Wings seemingly had 3 days off between each game, I'm not sure why the NHL feels they need to finish their Conference Finals series in no more than 8 days.

Up next: Hawks and Kings go again on Thursday night.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US: Hockeenight Turns 5

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Hockeenight) — 2013-06-04T02:38:12Z

Oh, so long ago...June 3, 2008.

The world was a simpler place back then. Marian Hossa was playing for a Stanley Cup contender, the Washington Capitals were sent packing in the first round after winning their division, Sidney Crosby was bitching about officiating and Dustin Penner was fat.

How things have changed.

Two meatheads, Forklift and CT, had each thought about starting a Blackhawks site in the spirit of Desipio or Hire Jim Essian. They figured together, they'd have to spend half the money and effort. It was in this spirit of cheapness and laziness that HOCKEENIGHT was born. In fact, the creators of Desipio and HJE have shown their own admiration for our efficient model of cheap and lazy.

Since then, we've added Slak for his beard, Morph for his photoshop wizardry, Thrill for his mastery of the Internet, and Umlaut in case we ever need to know the difference between a foil and epee.

We were planning on marking our birthday during a live Puckast last night, but the whole "Blackhawks playing in the Western Conference Final" got in the way. We blame the Rolling Stones, who are the only four people currently in Chicago who are older than Fork.

We've been able to drink Malort with many people we never knew before. We've packed Galway Bay and still haven't gotten blacklisted. We've recapped hundreds of games. We've done 199 Puckcasts. We've brought all kinds of weird shit into the world of Blackhawks fans, from "Holiday Road" to a fuckload of hashtags like...

#PatrickSharpIsAVeryHandsomeMan

#Shawfacts

#StalbergPorn

#GorillaSalad

#GONNADRINKEN

And most importantly, we've introduced you all to the wonders of Big Cheyenne.

FORK: For five years, I've watched my wife shake her head at the dumb stuff we've done. I've found myself shaking my head at how people have responded to the dumb stuff we've done. I know when CT and I started doing this, we never thought it would be anything other than a place for our friends to come and maybe laugh at some of our jokes. If we never grew beyond that it would have been fine with me. The fact that so many people have come along for the ride is pretty astounding. Thanks to everyone who reads and laughs at what we do.

MORPH: I'm just the Johnny-come-lately guy with a passion for Blackhawks hockey and a knack for using GIMP. My job came into being because I managed to meet like three deadlines for ad hoc requests. I am astounded by the fact that the Big Cheyenne theory has gone this far and has still not yet been disproven. I hope to one day publish a Big Cheyenne thesis paper with no words. Thanks everyone for laughing at my photoshops and tolerating what little writing I do here. Thank God Fork and CT take most of the recaps.

SLAK: To say this has been the most fun I've ever had watching hockey would be an understatement. I think part of why I was so nervous about the Detroit series was wanting to beat Detroit but also not wanting Blackhawks hockey to end. Fork and CT gave me a spot to make fun of the Blues and it's turned into a very fun thing which I'm grateful for.

CT: Wait, is this thing still here? Really? Seriously though, as I look back to five years ago, and contemplate the state of affairs at that time it blows my mind. The Hawks were up and coming, the NHL was in the doldrums, the internet was a complete wasteland and Malort a beverage unknown to all but a discerning group of winos.. Then came Hockeenight.com. Since that day in June five years ago, the Blackhawks have won a Stanley Cup and are threatening another, the NHL has seen record ratings and demand for upwards of 19 outdoor games a year, the internet is now a place renowned for its peaceful discourse between people of all ideas, the gospel of Malort is preached from the mountain tops, the world economy has been saved from the brink of destruction and peace reigns throughout the land. All this thanks to our humble website. So I guess I just have one thing to say to our faithful readers: you're welcome.

Oh fine, one other thing:

GOING BACK TO CALI - Blackhawks 4, Kings 2

slaky1980@gmail.com (Slaky) — 2013-06-03T03:06:11Z

Would you believe I suggested this lame title and Fork thought I was referencing a song by LL Cool J and not the Notorious B.I.G.? That's our Fork. The Blackhawks entered tonight's game with a very successful history in the second of back-to-back contests and tonight was no different. The Kings might have counted themselves unlucky to start tonight because while they mostly outplayed the Hawks in the first period they found themselves down 2-0 when the horn sounded. It didn't get much better from there as the Hawks cruised in this one and won it 4-2.

One of the subplots of this series, which I find hilarious, is that the Blackhawks are suddenly the dirtiest team in the league. Maybe that's just LA fans looking in the mirror and not liking what they see. But more than likely it's because the Hawks' iffy hits have caused a few injuries, which no one wants to see. Mike Richards wasn't able to answer the bell in this one after Dave Bolland's hit in game one. Bryan "Ronny Pickle" Bickell left out a lingering leg which clipped Drew Doughty's ankle. Hopefully he's ok. Andrew Shaw...well he's just a creep. Anyway it appears that the difference between dirty and aw shucks is a guy actually getting hurt. So stop getting hurt, LA players. We're sensitive and don't like being called names.

Let's do the stuff:

THE GOOD:

- Corey Crawford continues to be the goalie people should be talking about. Not only did he have another solid game but he also came to Jonathan Toews' aid when noted penisloaf Kyle Clifford was looking to throw some wild haymakers. Call Toews names if you like but I'd rather have Clifford hitting Crow's helmet than the captain's oft-concussed head. Here's to you Crow - you just won over the meatballs.

- Michal Handzus...wait, what? Yeah - he's old, slow, and no longer has a mullet but he's still got good hands and he's shown them a few times. Tonight he rifled a shot past Jon Quick which chased the greatest goaltender of all time to the bench. There was much rejoicing.

- Everything was good tonight, really. The Corsi/Fenwick page doesn't look great and the Kings outshot the Hawks 31-26 but the Hawks also had a large lead for most of the game and so that's just how things tend to go. It's very difficult to find anything to complain about tonight. That LA power play goal at the end sure was a minor buzzkill.

THE BAD:

- Dave Bolland played 8 minutes tonight and took a stupid penalty. He had no points and no shots. I guess the bloom is really off the rose. Poor guy (not literally, he's quite rich).

- I wish Ray Emery was in so he could have sent Jon Bernier into next month with his insanity.

THE UGLY:

- The Blackhawks are apparently the Broad Street Bullies reincarnate. Seriously though, hopefully people stop getting injured. I'd like to be able to say the Hawks beat the Kings at full strength. Then again, I'm dreading the moment Dustin Brown finally catches someone unawares.

The Blackhawks hit that holiday road and face the Kings, who are red-hot at the Staples Center, for the next two contests. Hopefully we don't see the Blackhawks on United Center ice until the Finals but the odds of that are slim to quite slim. Let's Go Hawks.

A MESSAGE TO YOU, HRUDEY: Blackhawks 2, Kings 1

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Forklift) — 2013-06-02T00:01:33Z

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Before the Western Conference Final between the Chicago Blackhawks and Los Angeles Kings began, former Kings goaltender Kelly Hrudey predicted the Kings would not only prevail, but they would sweep.

Oops.

The Hawks overcame a brutal goal off a turnover in the first period and completely blew the Kings out of Fort Kickass in the second before smothering the defending Champs in the third period, drawing first blood in the series by a 2-1 margin.

Let's get to this:

THE GOOD:

The Hawks are getting a lot of room to work. After sevenn games of being putting put in a clamp by the Detroit Red Wings, Jonathan Toews was able to move around in the offensive zone. If this continues, only good things will happen for the Chicago team.

The Bromantics. Duncan Keith and Brent Seabrook are what the Kings will see in their nightmares tonight. Breaking up passes, taking the body, not letting the Kings get good looks at Corey Crawford. They haven't played this well since June 2010, and that wound up working out pretty well.

The Blackhawks setting the physical tone. While everyone (including this humble blogger) expected the Kings to come out and throw their weight around, there was Brain Bickell levelling anything in white, Seabrook levelling Dustin Penner, or Dave Bolland cleaning Mike Richards' clock at the end of the third.

Corey Crawford. Again, a goal that could have thrown him off his game didn't. Another one-goal beauty for the Bearded One.

THE BAD:

A few seconds after the Hawks drew the first power play of the series,there was Andrew Shaw taking a boneheaded penalty to wipe it out. Shawzer, I love you kid. But this is this is the time of year to play it smart.

Bolland and Niklas Hjalmarsson threw the puck on Justin Williams' stick in the first period, and there was nobody between him and a yawning net. Nice Brendan Smith imitation there.

THE UGLY:

After the second period, they showed Thomas Vokoun warming up. The only three words that came to mind were: Booze, Cruise, Tunes.

These two teams strap it on again tomorrow, so no live Puckcast until next week.

But we're down to 7 puppies.

All content copyright 2013 hockeenight.com. Any reproduction or reuse of this material without the written consent of the authors is prohibited.

Los Angelstink Is Terrible

slaky1980@gmail.com (Slaky) — 2013-05-31T23:57:36Z

Friend of the blog The Royal Half was kind enough to let myself, and the Dry Island Castaways Kelly and Andrew let the 4 people in Southern California who care about hockey know just what we think of them.

Get a load of what bullshit Los Angeles is by clicking on this underlined word.

GREAT EXPECTATIONS: The Blackhawks and the Conference Final

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Forklift) — 2013-05-31T14:50:53Z

The Blackhawks' doing the hockey version of Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed climbing the ropes at the end of "Rocky II" is why they are preparing for the Los Angeles Kings and not the golf course.

This marks their third trip in five years to the Conference Final. This is where they are supposed to be.

Those of you who aren't newcomers to the site know that I'm the oldest member of the Hockeenight collecive by a pretty handy margin. In fact, I usually measure my time following the Blackhawks as "three Wirtzes". Back in the late 60s/early 70s, you pretty much understood the Hawks were one of the best teams in hockey. They came away with bupkus Cup-wise, but they managed two trips the Stanley Cup Final, both times leaving my father raging profanity about "fuckin' Cournoyer".

But the expectation was making the playoffs each year, and winning at least a round. This was pretty much the expectation until the early 90s, when the Oilers had been broken up and it looked like the Hawks had a window. Maybe they did, but they never got through it.

Once Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews arrived, the expectation went from making the playoffs to deep playoff runs to winning the Stanley Cup. One by one, those expectations have been met. Now what should be expected?

The Conference Final will be the yardstick from here on out. That's not because of arrogance or a feeling of entitlement. It's just that this team's talent level dictates it. Make it here, and it's a good season. Don't and it's not. Simple as that. Starting next year, with realignment and the reformatting of playoffs, it's even more true.

But while it feels good to be here, the fact of the matter is this is where the Blackhawks belong.

And the challenges get steeper. Facing the defending Stanley Cup Champions. And as you should always do in these situations, remember the words of Ric Flair:

"If you want to be The Man, you've got to beat The Man."

Go Hawks.

BLACKHAWKS/KINGS: By The Numbers

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Hockeenight) — 2013-05-31T02:52:04Z

The Hockeenight Mathletes have once again reassembled to crunch the numbers for us, this time for the Western Conference Final between the Chicago Blackhawks and Los Angeles Kings.

They had to burn the midnight oil for us, since the probability of the Blackhawks being in this position after falling behind Detroit 3 games to 1 was so low, they didn't bother preparing. But we did get to listen to a 2-hour argument on the exact origin of the phrase "burning the midnight oil".

So after pulling them away from their quest to find the torrent of the new Star Trek movie with the highest resolution, here is their breakdown:

4 - The number of games the Kings would need to eliminate the Blackhawks, according to Kelly Hrudey.

1 - The number of road wins for the Kings through the first two rounds.

2 - The number of road wins needed to finish a sweep of the Blackhawks.

17 - The number of times Fork will call Kings goaltender Jonathan Quick "Mike".

6 - The number of times CT will call Kings goaltender Jonathan Quick "Donald".

12 - The number of times there will be a god-awful play on words featuring the name Quick.

3 - The number of times the Blackhawks have been to the Western Conference Final in the last five years.

7 - The number of teeth Duncan Keith lost last time the Blackhawks were in the Western Conference Final.

1974 - The only previous meeting in the playoffs between these teams.

4-1 - The margin of the Blackhawks' series victory in 1974.

0 - The amount of relevance to this series.

1974 - The number of times Doc Emrick will mention it anyway.

2 - The number of current Blackhawks to miss postseason games due to Raffi Torres cheapshots (Brent Seabrook in 2011, Marian Hossa in 2012)

1 - The number of current Kings to miss postseason games due to Raffi Torres cheapshots (Jarred Stoll, 2013)

4 - The number on Niklas Hjalmarsson's sweater.

4 - The number of different ways Emrick says "Hjalmarsson".

1 - The number of times hearing Cartman say "Go Kings Go" was kind of cool.

0 - The number of times Jig Douche was kind of cool.

22,000 - The approximate number of people in the United Center for a hockey game.

22,000 - The approximate number of people who wish the Blackhawks could trade Jim Belushi for Colin Hanks to upgrade our "Not as talented as our more talented relative" quasi-celebrity.

22,000 - The approximate number who would even settle for Jerry Van Dyke over Jim Belushi.

4 - The number of times we'll post "Holiday Road" after a Hawks win.

HAWKS IN 6

And This Is What We Call Progress

slaky1980@gmail.com (Slaky) — 2013-05-30T16:23:26Z

You've never had to go through us.

These were the words I kept hearing in my head over and over as the Blackhawks were mired in a three to one hole. Just a day before the Hawks dropped a critical game four in Detroit I stood on my soapbox to tell anyone willing to listen that despite the obvious difficulties this series presented for the men of four feathers, it could still be their time to send the old guard packing. Frankly, what we saw in this series defied quite a few things I hold to be truths about how these clubs matched up. What I came away with is the knowledge that Mike Babcock is one of the best hockey coaches in the world. I'm not suggesting the Red Wings are so bereft of talent that Babs resorted to witchcraft to make this series walk the razor's edge the way it did. But he got every single ounce of juice out of his roster where lesser coaches would have not. Detroit fans should hope he never ever leaves.

Most people understand this wasn't just any series for Chicago. For Detroit fans I got the impression that their team had achieved everything their fans could have hoped for and then some. They weren't supposed to beat Anaheim (even though we all kind of felt they could) and they certainly weren't supposed to get three cracks at eliminating the top seed in the West. As the Blackhawks chipped away at those elimination games the tone from the Red Wings locker room turned. We'll take this, they said. This was always going to be a long series, they said. If you told us we'd have the Blackhawks in a game seven before this started we'd be thrilled, they said.

For a lot of reasons, that is an attitude to be mocked. Is it really that different from Daniel Alfredsson saying his team probably wasn't going to beat Pittsburgh? From my side that's the scariest thing you can hear from a team. The Red Wings were playing with house money the entire time and it showed. They didn't care about the Blackhawks' pedigree. I said after the blown call that took away the first game winner that the Wings must have been grinning like Cheshire cats. After the goal that wasn't they responded by almost potting the game winner before the teams headed to the locker rooms for overtime intermission. That's when I headed to the roof.

I literally went up to my roof to get some air and think about what I had just seen. My mind swirled with every possibility while trying to process a baffling penalty call that extended the game and could potentially stain the entire city. I thought about a conversation earlier in the day with a friend who supports the Maple Leafs. He wished the Blackhawks luck and I told him I felt confident they'd win. He said he hoped they don't pull a Leafs, or as I call it, a Cubs. If there's one thing I've learned on this journey with this core it's that they are the anti-Cub. How many times over the past three or four years have the Blackhawks overcome seemingly impossible odds? And yet here I was, up on my roof, wondering if they could overcome this. If there was ever a time for the Blackhawks to have their Bartman moment it was then.

Instead David Bolland returned from his season-long hiatus, if only for a flickering moment, and put a charge into Gustav Nyquist who crumpled to the ice. The loose puck found a streaking Brent Seabrook who had played terribly all night long. Niklas Kronwall, he who leads with tuchas, inexplicably gave the Nacho King all the time and space in the world. Seabrook fired a wrist shot that appeared to glance off of the soon to be openly weeping grown-ass man's leg and past Jimmy Howard. Cue delirium. It was over.

We'll never have to wonder what if. The Blackhawks don't deal in hypotheticals. Put them in a situation and they'll find a way out of it. The whole world was ready to point and laugh at the team that Sports Illustrated claimed had saved the sport of hockey. During an interminable intermission our offseason flashed before our eyes. I shudder to think of how the city would have reacted had it all gone down in reverse.

In what will be remembered as one of the most cathartic series in our lifetimes, the Blackhawks finally extinguished the Detroit Red Wings and moved on. Yes, the ultimate prize looms eight wins away. Yes, the defending Stanley Cup champion Los Angeles Kings present a particularly difficult roadblock. But let's not look past what this victory means for all of us. For the people of my generation that have followed this team since the days of Roenick and Belfour, this was something years in the making.

I have been nervous before playoff games. I remember sweating my guts out during those mid-90s Hawks-Leafs series. I remember the feeling of helplessness when the Red Wings dispatched the Hawks with ease in 1995. I've never felt such pure dread over a hockey game like I felt from game three on forward. I'm glad it's over. I'm glad the Blackhawks won. And most of all I'm glad that Detroit can no longer tell us that we never had to go through them.

SHIRTLESS HUGS: Hawks 2, Wings 1 (OT) (Hawks win series 4-3)

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (CT) — 2013-05-30T04:15:39Z

Wow. Remember way back after Game 1 of this series when we thought it was a forgone conclusion? That the Red Wings would be dispatched meekly like the dogs that they were? Yeah, that was a long time ago.

Instead, the Hawks got a fucking dog fight. And after what was a fairly uneventful regular season, Chicago got to see how their team performed under pressure. Going down 3-1 in the series, the Blackhawks stared down elimination in 3 straight games and bested the Red Wings each time.

And it was more than that. The Blackhawks actually had this one wrapped up with 2 and half minutes to go in the third but a terrible call on the ice resulted in a disallowed goal for Niklas Hjalmersson and sent the game to overtime. It's the kind of thing that tests a team: do they quit after a bad break, or do they sack it up and win the game again? Luckily, Brent Seabrook provided the answer we were all looking for in overtime, and sent the United Center faithful home in delirium.

THE GOOD

Corey Fuckin' Crawford - COREY CRAWFORD GIVES UP THE SOFT GOALS AND CAN'T WIN THE BIG GAME AND I DON'T TRUST HIM - Fuck you, that was great.

Brent Seabrook - Reunited with Donald Keith, Seabs looked much more like his old self. And then in overtime he went and did that thing he did and so long Detroit enjoy the Eastern Conference.

Stalberg/Shaw/Saad - this was by far the Hawks most consistent line tonight - they kept it simple, short passes, good cycles and getting the puck on Howard with traffic at the net. By all rights they were on the ice for the series winning goal in regulation, but the referees terrible discretion nixed that. No fault of theirs, though.

THE BAD

Johnny Oduya - Oduya looked out of sorts all night, his step up into the neutral zone cost the Hawks their only goal. But, really, I'm reaching here. I love everyone right now.

Michael Handzus - Almost everyone. Jebus, Zus got an assist on Patrick Sharp's goal but I spent most his shifts cringing in anticipation of something terrible happening.

THE UGLY

No ugly. The Hawks won Game 7 against the Red Wings in overtime and I'm drunk as hell. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Up Next - The Hawks will begin their series with LA on Saturday afternoon. Until then:

DEAD OR ALIVE YOU'RE COMING WITH ME: Blackhawks 4, Red Wings 3

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Forklift) — 2013-05-28T03:14:06Z

See you Wednesday.

Reports of the death of the Chicago Blackhawks are greatly exaggerated. The Hawks came out after the second intermission trailing by a goal, and scored three unanswered goals before hanging on to defeat the Detroit Red Wings 4-3, forcing Game 7 in the United Center in two nights.

Let's get to this:

THE GOOD:

Corey Crawford. Crawford stopped 35 of 38 shots, including some huge ones in the second period after getting fooled on a knucklepuck that put the Hawks in a one-goal hole. It seems like ancient history when the local meatballs thought Crawford couldn't get the Hawks out of one round, let alone keeping the Hawks in this one. Yeah, choke on that.

Jonathan Toews. 2 assists tonight, both nice feeds. One to Marian Hossa, one to Brain Bickell. He's become Toewsian again. Just in time to make Fort Kickass roar on Wednesday.

Brent Seabrook. Welcome back to us. QStache picked the right time to reunite the Bromantics on the blue line. Seabrook came up huge with shot blocks to save the Hawks' bacon at key moments.

The forecheck. They forced some huge mistakes in the Detroit zone, most notably Brendan Smith coughing up the puck to Hand Zeus early in the third period that Zeus was able to cash in to tie the game

THE BAD:

Dave Bolland. A horrendous turnover that led to Detroit's first goal late in the first period. Either he's not playing at 100%, or he's just really tired of playing in Chicago. Bolland has been a major component in the Hawks' success in the past, and we need that Bolland to resurface.

THE UGLY:

There were some boneheads yelling during the pre-game moment of silence for Memorial Day. I'm just going to go ahead and believe that was their first-ever hockey game.

So now Slak's puppies are down to 9:

Finally, from our frent MightyMikeD at Cheer The Anthem, this work of brilliance:

See you Wednesday. Go Hawks.

All content copyright 2013 hockeenight.com. Any reproduction or reuse of this material without the written consent of the authors is prohibited.