HOCKEE NIGHT - The Malört of Hockey Blogs

Puckcast: Back to Business

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Hockeenight) — 2012-05-14T02:53:07Z

Fork and CT return to the airwaves (or whatever) to examine the NHL playoffs and other random things:

Patrick Kane's drunken shenanigans
The Blackhawks assistant coach shenanigans
All sorts of other shenanigans
Guest appearance by Bernard from Germany
Don't eat the croutons at Outback Steakhouse
Morph's entry in the Patrick Kane photoshop challenge (below)

If I Could Be Serious For a Minute...How to Clean up the NHL

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (CT) — 2012-05-10T02:46:34Z

The NHL has taken great strides this season to eliminate illegal hits.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

No seriously though, the NHL is right on top of this. That's why only 4 players were killed in the first round of the playoffs alone. By comparison, 53 people were killed in the LA riots of 1992, making this the least violent Stanley Cup run the Kings have ever been involved in*.

Anyway, as I watched the Blackhawks bow out of the playoffs after losing one of their best players to an illegal hit by a known jagoff, I was extremely angry. How the hell could the NHL tolerate the existence of a guy a like Raffi Torres. But after settling down, I find it's tough for me to sympathize with the Blackhawks, considering they recently tendered a contract extension to a player whose last act of the 2011-12 season was to tender a hit so illegal he managed to claim himself as collateral damage.

And that's the problem. The NHL can suspend guys like Torres, and Carcillo and Cooke all they want, but as long as these chuckleheads can skate and chew gum at the same time, some general manager out there is going to take a flyer on them. You can recite the GM talking points from memory at this point "Dan/Matt/Raffi is great. He plays with an edge. As long he stays in control he'll be a real asset to this team".

So, the key is, these players have to be made unattractive to General Managers. Suspensions and fines have proven useless - they aren't serving as any kind of deterrent (Carcillo is exhibit A here, as the Hawks have now twice signed him knowing he'll start the season while serving a suspension) to players or management. But luckily, I'm willing to lend my geniusness to the NHL for a few moments, and I've come up with a plan. A brilliant plan that will punish teams for signing asshats, and make the NHL offseason more interesting as a bonus.

So here it goes: between the end of the Stanley Cup Finals and the beginning of the free agent period, Brendan Shanahan and his merry men will pour over the disciplinary records for the previous year. They will assess every fine, every suspension, every major penalty and identify the NHL's worst offenders from that season. Then, at noon on June 30th they will publish the Shit List of players. For the entire following season, the players on this list will face a unique punishment: every time one of them takes a minor penalty, be it for charging, or tripping or delay of game, said player will serve a 3 minute, non-releasable penalty.

There will be a few other ground rules of course. Any player on the Shit List is subject to this penalty until the end of that season's playoffs. Players may be placed on the list at any time throughout the season at the discretion of whoever in the NHL offices has any. Which could pose problems for coaches, because while teams may have multiple Shit List players on their roster, they can only dress one per game.

And how does this make the offseason more interesting? Well, timing the announcement of the Shit Listed players to be the day before free agency opens isn't a coincidence. The NHL would need to make this a huge production. Imagine a free agent Raffi Torres and his agent sweating it out the green room while waiting to find out if he's going to be rich(er) or have to find a way to survive on the league minimum. Mario Lemieux and Matt Cooke sitting up front to find out if that big extension is going to be worth it. Or some borderline case who took a few boarding penalties wondering if the NHL Wheel-O-Justice is going to drop the hammer on him for it. It'll be terrific theater.

Well, it'll be better than this, at least.

*Yes, I know, the Kings went to the Finals in the 92-93 season so shut up.

The Mess We're In; Haviland Fired

slaky1980@gmail.com (Slaky) — 2012-05-09T03:25:20Z

So the rumors of Joel Quenneville's demise were greatly exaggerated. The man with the stache isn't going anywhere this summer and in fact has decided to fire an assistant coach that's apparently been the cause of dysfunction between the coaches and in the locker room. So with that, I'd like to say good riddance Mike Kitc...WHAT?! He fired the nice looking red-faced fella with the whiskey nose? The guy who lost all that weight by sucking down nothing but Wild Turkey flavored Slim Fast? The guy who was here for the Stanley Cup?

Yes, that's right - everyone's favorite third period interview has been relieved of his duties as Blackhawks assistant coach. While he'll certainly be fondly remembered for the reasons mentioned above and because he was here for the Cup, something had to give and it appears that Mike Kitchen and Quenneville are going to either make this right or go down with the ship together.

Judging by the reaction on Twitter, people are pretty upset by this move. The tide of fan sentiment with Quenneville is ebbing more day by day. People also have an irrational hatred of Mike Kitchen. Looking like a serial killer probably isn't helping his cause. Did he run the power play this year? He did. Thing is, he took over midway through the season after Haviland failed to get it going. Haviland also was mostly in charge of a penalty kill that has been an abject failure for two straight years now. Kitchen ran the power play in 2010-11 and it was 4th in the league. Something had to give and since Kitchen and Quenneville are close friends, it appears they will be seeing this through to the end. Quenneville had heard enough of the Kitchen related angst that he felt the need to address his performance despite not being asked a single question about the man.

When the news broke that Quenneville and Bowman might be enough at odds that the Hawks could have a new coach by training camp, I won't lie - I was a little excited. It'd be interesting to see what someone else could do with this roster and what it might be in October. However, Stan Bowman has left two gaping holes in the lack of a second line center and the lack of another defenseman that can play on the power play. Let's hope the roster changes that are most certainly coming address these concerns and placate Quenneville enough to use what he has properly.

If the Blackhawks get off to a slow start next season, we'll see the entire coaching staff looking for work. Give fans a taste of success and first round exits and training camp parties just aren't enough to keep them happy. He knows that he needs to deliver this year or else. We'll see if he and Bowman can find enough common ground to put together a roster that works for the both of them.

MONTREAL Q-BEC? Don't Count On It.

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Forklift) — 2012-05-08T11:07:00Z

The Internet has been all a-Twitter (see what I did there?) at the prospect of Chicago Blackhawks' head coach Joel Quenneville packing his bags and heading to Montreal to join Marc Bergevin and (eventually) Rick Dudley in turning the Canadiens into Blackhawks Northeast.

Whether you like it or not, I wouldn't start thinking about new Hawks coaches just yet.

There are a couple very simple reasons why it's highly unlikely that QStache will spend Opening Night stalking behind any bench other than the Hawks:

1) He's still under contract. Quenneville still has another year on his Blackhawks deal. Sure, he and GM Stan Bowman aren't exactly on each other's Christmas card list, but since the NHL no longer allows compensation for coaches, Stan would be giving away an asset (Stanley Cup winning coach) for nothing. Plus, he still has the clubhouse. Even though Stan had no hesitation throwing the coaching staff under the bus at the post-season presser, the players are still all standing behind Quenneville. Now, if it were possible for the Habs to cough up their first-round pick for Q it might be a different story. But here's where it is.

2) Ever hear Q speak French? After all of Montreal got their drawers in a bunch over the fact that Randy Cunneyworth didn't speak any French, and the Habs hired a Francophone GM, I'm pretty sure a French-speaking coach is next on the agenda. Anyone who has ever heard Quenneville try slogging his way through an interview on RDS knows he doesn't really fit the bill here. And to than end...

3) There are better options. When you look at the teams who made it to the playoffs this year, particularly in the Western Conference, you can see a common thread: Teams that don't necessarily have a lot of talent in terms of offensive firepower are compensating by clogging the neutral zone and playing stifling defense. Helloooooo, Jacques Lamaire. Not only is he at liberty, but his career could come full circle by coaching in the sity where he won so many Stanley Cups as a player. He meets the same criteria as QStache (successful with different teams, Stanley Cup winner), and adds the Habs legacy to his resume. If Lamaire isn't interested, then Bob Hartley, another Francophone, is also currently at liberty. Plus, there's the wild card - Alain Vigneault.

In short, the whole Quenneville-to-Quebec nonsense has the same amount of legs as Patrick Kane on a Madison bender. I wouldn't lose any sleep over any of it.

That being said, since he is on the last year of his contract, and this was certainly a disappointing season, I'm pretty sure Stan will have him on an extremely short leash come next season.

All content copyright 2011 hockeenight.com. Any reproduction or reuse of this material without the written consent of the authors is prohibited.

CHRISTMAS IN JULY? You Must Be Dreaming.

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Forklift) — 2012-05-02T02:47:56Z

Now that the offseason is longer than any of us wanted it to be, there's more time for every good little boy and girl to make out their list for Stan Bowman...Stan-ta Claus.

OK, I promise I'll never say Stan-ta Claus again.

Now then, everyone's got their wish list. The Hawks need a defenseman? Ryan Suter's available. Maybe Dennis Wideman as a Plan B. Jason Garrison? Sure, why not?

How about a center? I actually suggested Olli Jokinen. The more I think about it, the more I should probably keep such thoughts to myself. We'll get to it in a second.

Goaltending? Oy gevalt.

Now then...the Blackhawks already have 12 forwards, 5 defensemen and two goalies signed for next year. Let's take it by position:

GOALTENDER: Corey Crawford has two years left on his contract, Ray Emery just signed for another year. Like it or don't like it, but learn to love it because this is the Blackhawks' goaltending for next season. Let's move on.

CENTER: You've got Jonathan Toews, Marcus Kruger and Dave Bolland all signed. There are a couple other options here, Patricks Sharp and Kane. Neither are good ones. Marian Hossa needs someone to get him the puck, and Sharp is a scorer, not a playmaker. Kane's talents are wasted at center, and both he and the Blackhawks are better served by him residing on Toews' left wing. The problem here is actually pretty simple - they have a #1 and two #3 centers. Marcus Kruger looked OK briefly pivoting Sharp and Viktor Stalberg, but he's just getting manhandled out there. Unfortunately, he's not strong enough at the faceoff dot to merit being the #4 center on a full-time basis, and he doesn't have the jam to be a bottom-six wing. Maybe he'll be a solid center in the future, but the Hawks are in the right-now business.
I don't think there should be any discussion at this point of anyone other than Dave Bolland manning the third line.
The only center that could possibly come up is Brandon Pirri, but his game is as a scoring line center. Could QStache realistically say, "You're here to stay kid. Say hello to your new pals, Mr. Sharp and Mr. Hossa"? I didn't think so, either.
So the need here is a second-line center, preferably a lefty. I thought Jokinen, but the simple fact of the matter is that if the Hawks decide to go the veteran route, Jokinen might be worth a phone call...long enough to learn that Jokinen is looking for a multi-year deal. There really aren't any UFA centers other than Jokinen who can fit into the Hawks' second line.
So the option is trade. Is Pittsburgh really serious about trading Jordan Staal? Could CT's worst nightmare come true and Derek Roy comes here? Those are both guys with a year left on their deals, and they aren't too expensive - for now.
Perhaps for the fourth line the most sensible option is to just bring Barbados Slim back since he doesn't cost much and he did yeoman work all year.

RIGHT WING: Two big question marks here - first is the whole second-line center thing. If they get an honest-to-God #2 center, Kane and Toews are reunited, and if they're both healthy all season we could finally see them each crack 90 points. Second is the overall well-being of Marian Hossa come October, or whenever the season commences. A healthy Hossa with a real center could easily score over 25 goals. He potted 29 with a revolving door to his left all season. Andrew Shaw will be looking over at Bolland, at least until he finally gets decapitated out there. There's also Michael Frolik, Jimmy Hayes and Ben Smith in the, uh, wings. So there won't be anything to do here. If anything, there's moveable parts for a potential trade.

LEFT WING: Again, back to the #2 center. If the Hawks can get one, then Sharp and Viktor Stalberg can trade places on the top two lines all season. If Bryan Bickell shows some hustle all year, he should be calling the third line home. Then there's two Brandons...Saad the Skilled and Bollig the Barbarian. If QStache decides Sharp is his guy in the middle, then Saad's top-six ability gets broken in.

DEFENSE: Ah, expense. All those names up at the top of the article? Yeeeeeaaah, there's no way in Hell the Blackhawks can spend all the money to get any of those guys. Maybe if they move a contract like Niklas Hjalmarsson's, maybe a guy like Wideman can fit financially. But if the Hawks decide to go long-term on a defenseman, then they are rolling the dice on not being able to afford Nick Leddy in a year when his paper comes up. And let's face it here - guys Leddy's age (21) who already have a 37 point season under their belt don't exactly grow on trees. So with Duncan Keith and Brent Seabrook moving up the ranks of top defensive pairs again once Suter gets paid somewhere other than Music City, and Leddy and Dylan Olsen holding down the 3 and 6 spots respectively, the only big question mark is whether Steve Montador can answer the bell when the season starts. Now here's the thing...the Hawks actually don't have to do a damn thing here if they don't want to. A healthy Montador along with Hjalmarsson gives them a full complement of defensemen. Whatever they decide to do, they're wise to keep some flexibility for whatever the new CBA brings, plus they'll need to have some agility to keep Leddy and possibly either Stalberg or Bickell a year from now. Leddy's the only one of the three who is a restricted free agent in 2013.

Now everything you read above? It's just an idiot banging away at a keyboard. I just went position-by-position, never bringing up the pathetic power play or possible coaching changes - the next year (or until there's a firing) will have some Bowman/QStache soap opera at some point.Plus, you never know when Stan's phone will ring and what's being offered on the other end.

I do feel confident that all the names you just read will no be a part of the Blackhawks picture come July 1st.

And I never mentioned Dan Carcillo because I just feel a lot better pretending he doesn't exist.

Stay tuned.

All content copyright 2011 hockeenight.com. Any reproduction or reuse of this material without the written consent of the authors is prohibited.

Puckcast: With Arms Wide Open

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Hockeenight) — 2012-04-30T03:00:57Z

So, even with the Blackhawks out of the playoffs, Fork, CT and Morph convened for a Puckcast anyway. And after glossing over the current playoff scene, we got down to the real business of Puckcasting:

Joe Cowley's new gig with Sports Webio
Potential offseason changes for the Hawks
For gods' sake, do not click on this link.
Dumbass
Bands that Charlotte radio stations think are from Charlotte but aren't
Dave Grohl provides next year's playoff anthem (below the fold)

HOCKEENIGHT POST MORTEM:Season In Review

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Hockeenight) — 2012-04-28T02:38:13Z

This was something we shouldn't have to do in April.

At this point, the ice is gone, the lockers are empty, the tee times are reserved. When the season started, there was nothing but optimism. Fork predicted a Stanley Cup championship, which the Blackhawks fell a mere 14 postseason wins short of.

So what went wrong? The HOCKEENIGHT crew do a little brainstorming...

The season started with Patrick Kane filling the role of second line center, and plenty of space under the salary cap. It seemed fair to expect GM Stan Bowman was positioning the team to pick up a second line center, but the closest he came was Brendan Morrison. What the hell happened?

Slak - Lots of people feel that it should be Patrick Sharp. Either Sharp doesn't want to play center (and if he's not comfortable there, why force it?) or the coaching staff prefers him on the wing. We would know the answer to this if the Blackhawks would do something other than dodge this question every single time it's asked. As it stands, it sounds like next year they're going to lean on Patrick Kane to try and pivot the second line again.

Of course, I am optimistic that this is just lip service and smokescreening by Stan Bowman and he's going to try and find someone to fill that role so Kane can play his natural wing. It's obvious David Bolland needs to own his status on the third line and Marcus Kruger's just not that guy yet. The BMO pickup was a complete failure even if the only price was Brian Connelly. Seems that second line center for the Hawks is the same as offensive line for the Bears.

CT - What happened? Too many teams were still in the playoff picture at the deadline, and prices went sky high. Derek Roy was supposedly an option, but were the Hawks really going to send real talent to Buffalo for a guy who scored 17 goals? Say what you want about Kane playing center, but I'd rather have him there than Roy. The only impact 2nd line center who changed hands at the deadline was Jeff Carter and that just wasn't going to fit under the Hawks salary cap.

Next year? Now it gets tricky. With the CBA expiring, there's no telling what the cap is going to look like next year, but it probably isn't going up. Basically, I see two options, either Patrick Sharp and his brand new contract extension are moving to center, or Brandon Pirri or Mark McNeill will make the team out of camp.

Fork - I don't like Kane centering the second line, if only because I think when Kane and Jonathan Toews skate together, not only does it create a lot more offense for the Hawks but it creates some severe matchup headaches for other teams. I think Pirri is one option - he had a solid year in Rockford, and looks like he might be ready to make the jump. McNeill is going to be a beast when he gets here, but his game still needs some refinement. Unfortunately, because of his age I think he's going to wind up in the OHL for another year. His development would be better served with a stint in the AHL.

And CT's absolutely right about the CBA. We need to see how that shakes out before we can discuss any free agents. Otherwise, I'd think taking a one-year gamble on somebody like Olli Jokinen to make goofy faces between Sharpberg™ and Hossa wouldn't be the worst idea in the world.

A lot of eyebrows went up when Daniel Carcillo was signed last summer. Then, as he was sitting out with a season-ending injury and suspension, the Hawks game him a two-year extension. What do you think Bowman's thinking was here?

Slak - I do not know. He got a raise, too. At the time of the signing I was fine with it figuring a healthy Carcillo at least could give Andrew Shaw more time to put his game together in Rockford and come back later next season after Carcillo gets kicked out of the league. Instead, Shaw was called back up and showed remarkable improvement from his first stint earlier this season. So do they combine forces on a 4th line and become the most annoying group in the league? I have no idea. I'm stumped on this one.

CT - I have no idea what the point of re-signing Carcillo was. I didn't like it then, and I like it even less now. Carcillo's idiotic shenanigans have always been brushed off by the excuse that he can play hockey a little bit. Well, we saw another guy like that torpedo Marian Hossa in the playoffs this year, and I'd rather not have a Hawk pull the same shit.

Fork - Again, CT's right. Look, last season Matt Cooke got a 10 game suspension. This year Raffi Torres got 25. I have no doubt that either a season-long suspension or a lifetime ban is coming. If you had a pool for that, there are not many safer picks than Carcillo. Worse than the suspension is the damage that will prompt it. I'm pretty certain the Hawks can get a player with the same basic skillset who isn't going to maim another player, for no reason other than he can't be bothered to play by the basic rules of the game.

Let's talk goaltending.

Fork - Let's not.

Seriously. The vast majority of the Blackhawks' fanbase, along with a large portion of the hockey media, seem to have thrown in the towel on Corey Crawford. Your take?

Fork - Crawford had a rough season, to be sure. As much of a beating as he's taking over the playoffs, the fact of the matter is that for 5 games, he played Mike Smith dead even for 60 minutes. Sure, he let in a couple brutal goals in the overtime of games 3 and 4, but if the forwards had been smarter about shooting higher on Smith, and had been willing to pay the price to get into the dirty areas for rebounds, those overtime periods never would have happened. Of course we can "if" ourselves to death. If my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle.

That being said, the one encouraging thing here is that when Crawford's game was a hot mess in mid season, and he was getting caught behind his own net, he made adjustments to his game. He's shown he's willing to listen to Stephane Waite, and willing to work. I don't really see any reason to not expect improvement from him next year. Oh, and the next person to bring up the no-shutouts thing is welcome to gargle razor blades.

CT - If you want to judge Crawford based on two soft goals, that's your business. But the truth is, goaltenders are completely fucked up and anybody who says otherwise is wrong. Let's say the Hawks decide to cut bait with Crawford. Who should they get? Sign last year's Vezina Trophy and Conn Smythe winner? That bum just got bounced in the first round by a heavy underdog (and if you're a fan of soft goals, check out Troy Brouwer's game winner from game 5)! Anyway, Tim Thomas isn't happening, so how about Cristobal Huet? Tomas Vokun? I hear Roberto Luongo is available...

My point isn't that Crawford is great, it's that outside of a few elite guys, it's damn near impossible to predict how a young goalie will play each year. Look at Mike Fucking Smith. He's 29 and had a career save percentage of .905 prior to this year. Nobody thought he was Mike Fucking Smith at the start of this season. My message is this - Crawford can be better, and he needs to be. He's shown some talent and the ability to bounce back from tough starts and that's big for a goalie. So when he's the starter in the opener next year (and he's going to be) don't start pissing and moaning about the season being a total loss. Give a week at least.

Slak - It's amazing what a hot goalie can do for a team's perception. Does anyone think the Coyotes are in the second round of the playoffs without Mike Smith's miracle campaign? They've got this mythical label of being lumped in with the staunch defensive hockey clubs like the Blues when the truth is the Blackhawks peppered Mike Smith like a two dollar steak. He was just that damn good. Period.

Considering that Crawford is signed and no one will take him after his up an down season, he's here to stay. Emery is going to be the back up unless he hurts himself. And in that case it'd probably be Carter Hutton who earned himself some rope with a good season in Rockford. Alexander Salak is a certain goalie expert's wet dream but he's an oft-injured hothead and he has to prove himself in the AHL before he thinks he's ever going to wear the Indianhead.

Here's hoping Crawford has that crazy, unpredictable season that sometimes just happens with goaltenders. Goaltenders are a lot like major league bullpens. You can spend all the money in the world and end up with crap or you can catch lightning and run with it. People can whine and moan all they want but Crawford will be back and I think it's probably the best option. Though I do love me some Roberto Luongo....

Which player this season was the most pleasant surprise? Biggest disappointment?

Fork: I was never exactly the president of the Viktor Stalberg Fan Club, but he took his success against Columbus and parlayed it into a damn fine season. If he brings that confidence at the beginning of next season, the Hawks suddenly have an offensive threat.

The biggest disappointment also kind of broke my heart. I've always liked Andrew Brunette, and really thought he'd come in and still be able to get 20-25 ugly goals. Unfortunately, it never really worked out.

CT - I'll go with Stalberg as the most pleasant surprise. Not because I didn't think he had the skill to score 20 goals, but because I figured he'd pack it in as soon as Joel Quenneville started jerking him up and down the lineup. Instead, Viktor played whatever role he was given on any given night, and for the most part, played it well.

Biggest disappointment? Let's just say that the "vastly improved" skating of one of the Hawks defensemen was greatly exaggerated by management, and as a result I'm now stuck with a gross of MUDERSAURUS sherseys that I can't find a taker for.

Slak - Count me in on Stalberg. I couldn't stop making fun of the guy last season. He couldn't find the net with a GPS and ten seeing eye dogs until suddenly something clicked and he started looking less like Jack Skille and more like Marian Hossa. He's got a wonderful cap hit and now if he can do what the coaching staff needs him to to get some special teams time, all the better. Or, you know, maybe they trade him. Honorable mention to Marcus Kruger.

My biggest disappointment would be Steve Montador and not really because of him but the way he was used or more accurately, misused. He didn't get used much on the kill where he was supposed to be valuable and on the power play they decided to use him at forward for a spell. Then the crazy bastard decided to score a few goals and make the coaching staff think they were geniuses. He was then concussed and reconcussed in his first game back because the coaching staff put him at forward again. STOP THIS. He's got a long deal and makes good coin to play defense. Please use him correctly. Honorable mention: Michael Frolik (regular season variety).

Which young player are you most optimistic about? Which players to you think are willing to either make the jump to the NHL or assume a larger role with the Blackhawks? Are there any that don't seem to be a good fit here?

Fork: Aside from Leddy, who is still going to get better - pretty nice knowing a 21-year-old DMan with 40+ points is going to improve - I (and everyone else) really like Brandon Saad. He's ready to spend all of next season with the Blackhawks. I'm really hoping Jeremy Morin is ready too. He's got decent size and likes getting into the tough areas to score.

If there's a guy who just doesn't seem to fit here, it's Marcus Kruger. Not that I'm all that hot on throwing in the towel on a player his age, just he's Dave Bolland, only less so. He still gets knocked around a lot, and can't win faceoffs.I'd prefer his game improves, and they find a spot for him. But for now, I just don't know.

CT - I assume I'm not allowed to pick Patrick Kane or Jonathan Toews. I'm going with Dylan Olsen here. I was worried about him being called up, but he held his own on the 3rd pair, a pretty big deal for a 21 year old defenseman who didn't even have a full year of pro hockey under his belt. Olsen might start next season in the AHL, but he's guy I'm most excited about.

Bad fit? I'll have to agree with Fork here. Marcus Kruger figures to be a 4th line center on this team, but seems like he should be more. If Bowman believes that Brandon Pirri and Mark McNeill are both going to be NHL guys, he should see what Kruger's value is around the league.

Slak - I'm excited as hell for Brandon Saad to cut his teeth in a full NHL season next year, assuming that he makes the roster again. His sense of positioning and overall hockey smarts are an excellent foundation for his pure offensive skill. I could be setting myself up to be let down but he is pretty damn special. Other than him, I think I'd really like Brandon Pirri to get a look next season. I've lost my MorinBoner and I'm not expecting anything from him, to be honest. Hopefully he can surprise me. Oh hey - here's an obligatory Kyle Beach mention. I'm hoping he can surprise as one of three members of his fan club.

As far as bad fits - I don't know. You guys ragging on my guy Marcus Kruger is worrisome but I do agree he's gotta bulk up otherwise he's going to keep getting smashed into lingonberry jam. It's way too early to say that Mark McNeill is a bad fit but he's been passed up by a couple of the guys drafted before him already. His foray into the AHL with Rockford wasn't exactly worth writing home about. That said, I'm open to moving anyone that doesn't have their own Chevy commercial.

What needs to be done to improve the blueline?

Fork: One big thing would be for Duncan Keith to return to 2010 form. Not only is he no longer one of the top three defensemen in the NHL, but I don't even think he's the best one on the Blackhawks - I think Brent Seabrook now fills that position. Another thing would be for Steve Montador to get healthy. The only question with him is, does he skate as the #5 next to Dylan Olsen or the #4 next to Nick Leddy? The Hawks need to decide, and get someone to fill the other role. At this point, I wouldn't even mind Sami Lepisto at the 5 spot any more if that's the way the Hawks decide to go. But to my original point, there's some serious talent here. They just need to use it all.

Slak - I think it's fair to say that Seabrook, Keith, Leddy and Montador (assuming his health returns) are all locks for the blue line next season. Dylan Olsen is still young and I don't know if he's 100% ready to be a full time contributor. He's a physical brute of a defenseman but he's slow and has little value where the Blackhawks need it - and that would be a defenseman who can hit the net with his shot and help out on the powerplay. I have a feeling Oduya is done - he did some great things while Toews was out but regressed back to Winnipeg Johnny in the Phoenix series. I'm not an NHL personnel expert and I won't pretend to be one unlike certain, more committed fans. If Stan can get a guy that can at least man the point effectively, I'll be pretty happy.

CT - Hmm,, well, having a healthy Steve Montador should help, assuming Q is actually going to skate him at his natural position. Basically, Bowman has to put together a 3rd pairing that Quenneville can trust. Otherwise he's going to bury those guys and skate Keith and Seabrook to death. Also, make sure whatever seasoned veteran is brought in to kill penalties can actually still play hockey. In honor of Slaky, I'm gonna nominate Brent Sopel.

Which Joel Quenneville player decision was the biggest head-scratcher?

Fork: Aside from dressing Old Donald at any time, I'm not quite sure what his hard-on toward Michael Frolik was. Sure, he's not the goal scorer we all hoped he would be, but he's suddenly turning into one helluva defensive forward. And I'm still shaking my head about Brendan Morrison suddenly getting the nod over Jamal Mayers in the playoffs.

Slak - Steve Montador's constant misuse, as mentioned earlier, just blew me away. I also would have liked to have seen more Stalberg on the power play but he's not a half-boards guy so I think I understand why he wasn't out there as much. He would have to be a net presence and I'm not sure he's ever going to become that kind of a player. Frolik on the PK all season could not have hurt. And stop using forward at the point for 7.000,000th time. Christ.

CT - This is a tie between about 6 different things. Burying Michael Frolik. Skating Brandon Bollig in playoff games. Simultaneously playing Steve Montador at forward and Dave Bolland at the point on the power play. Dan Carcillo as a top 6 forward. Jesus, I think Q might be doing all this just to fuck with us.

There is already plenty of talk about trades. Which Blackhawks do you see on the block this summer?

Fork: I don't think there would be any fainting from shock in this town if Niklas Hjalmarsson is plying his trade elsewhere come October (or whenever the season starts...goddamn CBA). If there's a really good veteran center available, I could see some of the younger guys get packaged to bring one in. The fact that all those one-year deals from last summer are rolling off gives the Hawks a lot of roster flexibility without having to make any desparation trades. As stated above, let's see how the CBA plays out.

CT: Several guys should be on the block this year, Niklas Hjalmarsson is probably a 3rd pair guy on this team but 2nd pair elsewhere. The aforementioned Marcus Kruger also doesn't seem to have a real spot in Chicago either. And then there's Viktor Stalberg. While he had a very good season, this might be the time to sell high on Stals. He's got one cheap year left on his deal, and then he'll be a UFA. A bad season in Chicago means the Hawks will likely let him walk and a good season prices him out of their plans. He could definitely be an interesting trade chip.

You know what? I just reread this paragraph and I believe that I might hate Swedish people.

Slak - We all keep talking about trading Hjalmarsson but he's a 3.5mm cap hit. What could realistically be had in return for him? Maybe throwing someone like Stalberg in would sweeten that. Just an idea. I just don't agree with the idea of trading Kruger. I don't see them wanting to trade him and I don't see anyone banging down the door, either. To borrow a useless phrase from a useless person: let's see how it all plays out.

Finally - how much Malort is too much Malort?

Fork: I don't understand the question.

CT - It has been scientifically proven that there is always exactly enough Malort as there needs to be.

Slak - I'm going to need a metric shitload of it to deal with all the "Bring back Ladd/Byfuglien/Campbell" bullshit this offseason. You hear me, Jeppson's? Start fermenting that horse urine.

AIN'T NOTHING WORSE THAN WASTED TALENT: Coyotes 4, Blackhawks 0

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Forklift) — 2012-04-24T03:41:15Z

It wasn't supposed to be this way.

When the Chicago Blackhawks were assembled before the 2011-12 season, they looked like they had reloaded for another year of playing until Memorial Day and beyond.

In the end, tonight's game was a microcosm of the entire season, wasted opportunities and careless mistakes. The Chicago Blackhawks threw low shot after low shot at Phoenix Coyotes' goaltender Mike Smith, and Smith stopped all 39 Hawks shots, resulting in a 4-0 Coyotes win, ending the Blackhawks' season with a 4-2 Western Conference Quarterfinal series win.

Let's get to this:

THE GOOD:

I'll give it to the Coyotes, especially Smith. They played their game all series long, letting the Hawks punch themselves out for 30 minutes, then just waiting for the inevitable Chicago fuckup. Smith was absolutely unconscious, figuratively. He was never unconscious literally, but that's a topic for another day. Still, if it weren't for Smith, the Hawks would have had 4 or 5 goals in the first two periods tonight.

But they worked Dave Tippett's system perfectly all series long, letting Smith carry a big part of the load on the back end, while waiting for their opportunity. When I say "their opportunity", I mean "when Johnny Oduya, Niklas Hjalmarsson or Old Donald were on the ice".

THE BAD:

Everything wrong all season was wrong tonight. No bodies in front of the net, a brutal power play, all of Chicago holding their collective breath whenever any defensemen not named Keith or Seabrook were on the ice. The lack of a second line center - look, Marcus Kruger would be a rather nifty #3 center, but Dave Bolland is already there. Just plugging him into a 2 spot was a dumb idea when it started, showed a slight glimmer of life for a brief period, then just...no. This had better be a productive offseason for the front office, since a team with holes this large can muddle through a regular season and squeeze into the playoffs, but now that there's a banner in the rafters that still hasn't yellowed with age, just getting into the playoffs doesn't cut it anymore.

THE UGLY:

A long fucking offseason.

Go get 'em Coyotes.

All content copyright 2011 hockeenight.com. Any reproduction or reuse of this material without the written consent of the authors is prohibited.

PUCKCAST: HOCKEENIGHT is STAYIN' ALIVE

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Hockeenight) — 2012-04-23T13:48:52Z

This week, the four of us shoot the shit while the Canucks get eliminated. Good times.

We discuss:

CT's love of Big Hurt Malt Liquor
CT switching to Heineken
CT's Pitbull tribute show
CT dying a little inside whenever he sees Adrian Aucoin in a Coyotes uniform
CT's new organic lifestyle
CT falling asleep before posting the Puckcast, so I have to do it this morning.

Enjoy.

All content copyright 2011 hockeenight.com. Any reproduction or reuse of this material without the written consent of the authors is prohibited.

Up Off The Canvas: Hawks 2, Phoenix 1 (OT)

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (CT) — 2012-04-22T05:26:02Z

I can't take much more of this crap.

See, I'm simple man. I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my hom....no wait, that's a different guy. But I do like to be in bed at a decent hour, especially when I'm sick. And the Hawks and Coyotes just won't cooperate.

Anyway, I'll hazard the opinion that the Hawks played well tonight. They finally realized that they had to start pushing their defensemen deep into the offensive zone before the last 2 minutes of the game, and while it didn't result in a shit ton of goals, it gave the Coyotes fits. But I also take some respite in the fact that Phoenix has made their bones counterpunching against this type of play, and they could only manage a single goal despite the Hawks' decision to gamble.

Irregardless, it's nice to have another game to look forward to. Shoutboxers keep asking if I think the Hawks can win 3 in a row. My answer? They just have to win one. Then they have to win one. Then they have to win one more. Meaningless pap from me? Maybe. But don't be intimidated by this "in a row" shit. It does not matter.

THE GOOD

Brent Seabrook - Brent Seabrook has a fabulous new contract extension that gives him a $5.8MM cap hit through the 2015-16 season. And you know what? HE IS A FUCKING BARGAIN.

Jonathan Toews - Hey, let's bitch about how Toews has only one goal and looks slow and sluggish after missing 20 games to end the season. What's that? He scored the overtime winner after winning a key faceoff in the offensive zone? Well shit, maybe we fans aren't as smart as we thought we were.

Nick Leddy - Nice game, kid.

THE BAD

Viktor Stalberg - Pat Foley called out Stalberg for being invisible during this series, so Viktor got his name up in lights by taking 4 minor penalties tonight. There goes his shot at the Lady Bing.

Brandon Bollig - Bollig sat in the press box for this game. I just want to make sure that Q doesn't forget it.

THE UGLY

Corey Crawford - Dammit Craw. In a game in which he gave up one goal, Crawford still managed to shake my faith by making that goal pretty damn soft. At least it didn't come in overtime.

Up Next - Monday night the Hawks have a chance to take this thing to seven.

THIS WILL DESTROY YOU: Coyotes 3, Blackhawks 2 (OT)

slaky1980@gmail.com (Slaky) — 2012-04-20T03:04:40Z

The Blackhawks lost in overtime. Again. Mikkel Boedker scored the game winner because Corey Crawford let in a soft goal.

THE GOOD: Michael Frolik has been the only reason I didn't throw my TV out the window the last two games.

THE BAD: Everything else. Crawford's weak OT efforts, Leddy's bad angle, 50 minutes of not being able to score. Just bad.

THE UGLY: Having to write a recap after having your nuts bashed in two games in a row.

The Blackhawks have to win three games in a row to advance. It starts on Saturday. The good news? Win or lose, you can come to Galway Bay and drink with us. Also, if they do lose you can drink enough Malort to kill you twice.

UNTIL WE'RE FINALLY CRUSHED: Coyotes 3, Blackhawks 2 (OT)

slaky1980@gmail.com (Slaky) — 2012-04-18T05:07:15Z

Maybe Brendan Shanahan does deserve a little slack. Not that he's doing all the right things but his job is impossible and the players aren't making it easier for him. Raffi Torres leapt into Marian Hossa's chin tonight and sent him to the hospital and didn't get penalized. He might be suspended based on this hit and his history but more importantly, we're all glad that Hossa appears to not be in any serious danger. He probably won't be playing hockey again until next fall, though. That's just a guess on my part but we might as well be prepared to face life without Marian Hossa.

Just how long that will be depends on how badly the Blackhawks want it. It looked to me like they were a team that got beaten on a lot of the bigger face-offs late in the game as well as beaten to the puck along the boards in both zones. Coming off the Andrew Shaw/Mike Smith fiasco and the hit on Hossa which was early in the game, one would think that would serve as motivation enough. Apparently they only thing that can motivate these guys is themselves. Then again it's entirely possible that they just aren't good enough. On to the things.

THE GOOD, BAD AND UGLY:

Can't really think of anything right now other than Seabrook's shot block. Let's face it, I do these immediately after the game and this particular game caused a visceral reaction in many of the people who spend many of their days watching the Blackhawks play hockey. You get to know these guys, not personally mind you, but you know enough about them to care when something of note happens. Seeing a guy who commands the respect that Marian Hossa does laid out and being stabilized in front of a stretcher is really the only thing I can picture at this moment.

Now people will begin to argue over whether the hit was dirty or not. Of course every Blackhawks fan thinks it was dirty. And I'm sure there are Coyotes fans that think it was fairly clean and simply an unfortunate result that Hossa was hurt. It's unfortunate that it's come to this. We don't know if Torres will be disciplined. He wasn't disciplined on the ice. After Hossa left the game, the Hawks actually ended up on the penalty kill as Brandon Bollig was reprimanded for going after Torres. So the Hawks, in a short moment, lost possibly their most talented player and had to kill a penalty for it.

Based on this it seems unfair that they would end up losing the game in overtime but fair has nothing to do with it. There were still two plus periods of hockey left to be played after the hit and most of it was played just like most of the first two games: sloppily. While Corey Crawford was good enough to win the game he wasn't good enough on the game winning goal, which was flung in from a terrible angle by Mikkel Boedker with about six and a half minutes left in overtime.

So let the debate rage. After tonight I want no part in it. It's clear the league has its uses for guys like Raffi Torres and he'll probably get a game or three. Next year he'll hit someone else with an elbow or an enziguri. And we'll go through this again and again. Good luck to the Hawks from here. If they plan on playing like this and now without Marian Hossa, they're going to need it.

Hitting the Links in the East

jlawrence@uchicago.edu (JasonPie) — 2012-04-17T04:23:04Z

Let’s not waste any time in doing what every sophomore biology class…er…sophomoric hockey writer and commentator is doing across North America: dissecting the Pittsburgh Penguins. Penguins fans woke up this morning to confront blood, guts, and—at least—three very difficult realities:

1. The only race the Penguins’ defense seem interested in winning is to the first tee at Nemacolin Woods. Their hustle for loose pucks, effort in front of the net or on the penalty kill, and inability to get in shooting lanes or block shots falls somewhere between gutless and willfully bad. Rob Scuderi, Mark Eaton, and Hal Gill are veritable hall-of-famers next to the current Penguins defensive corps.

2. Dan Bylsma has lost his team. Completely. Utterly. And unlike Michel Therrien, Bylsma didn’t have the courtesy to lose them at a time in the regular season that it was obvious and a change could be made in advance of the playoffs. Sidney Crosby, James Neal, Kris Letang, and Jordan Staal are the only guys on the roster right now that care enough to be visible in a positive way and seem to react to losing with the focus and discipline needed to come back. And Letang hasn’t even been good this series. That’s just how bad everyone else is. Ryan Suter is almost a must-sign for the Penguins. So is making sure that Brooks Orpik and Paul Martin are cast on the next Survivor, but never return.

3. Marc-Andre Fleury is a bust. He’s not a franchise goalie. There might be better backup goalies in the playoffs than him. Since winning Game 7 in Detroit in 2009, Fleury’s playoff performances have gone from mediocre (Ottawa 2010), to really bad (Montreal 2010, Game 7), to terrible (Tampa Bay 2011 Game 6, and (arguably) Game 7), to abysmal (this series).

Fleury defenders will cite his workload, which may be fair. I just tried calling Darryl Sutter to ask him how riding Mikka Kiprusoff worked out in Calgary. He apparently is too busy to be bothered in Los Angeles riding Jonathan Quick to a 3-0 lead over Vancouver and then into the ground (Quick played in 69 games this season). Sutter is to young goalies what Dusty Baker is to young pitchers, with predictable results over time (read: the Kings aren’t going to win the Cup now or as long as Sutter is coach).

Oh. Marc-Andre Fleury. Right. He’s both marginally above average and overworked, and he may have a psyche that is beyond repair. He also has a much longer history of choking in playoff situations, where his Stanley Cup looks like a decided aberration, not anything like a norm. The Penguins’ cupboard at goalie is painfully bare. This may not just be a bad playoff series the entire hockey universe has witnessed, but the crashing and burning of a franchise into an ugly wreck that will take a few years to sort out--and the wasting of Crosby's and Malkin's 20's.

Bottom Line: The only thing the Penguins have done worse than play with a lead is play from behind. They’ve given up as many shorthanded goals as they’ve scored powerplay goals. Their goaltending has been horrible, and their defense has somehow been worse. The Flyers are playing like the mediocre team with good offesne they are, and the Penguins are playing like their fans’ worst caricatures of the Flyers. The Flyers haven’t played well – they’ve given up a lot of goals, and early ones at that. They’ve covered up their mistakes by just capitalizing on the plethora of unforced errors from the Penguins. The Flyers' upside going forward is that whatever team they face will have less offensive talent than the Penguins. Their downside is much bigger—they’ll face solid defense and likely stellar goaltending in Tim Thomas or Martin Brodeur. They won't win the Cup either.

As for the other games in the East—games where defense and goaltending are winning and potential Stanley Cup champions are playing…

Rangers lead Ottawa 2 games to 1.

Ottawa managed to steal a game in OT in New York. Their home-ice advantage lasted for a plane ride back to Ottawa, as the Rangers stole it right back tonight in a 1-0 shutout. Unlike other MVP candidates, Henrik Lundqvist has shown up for his team, stole tonight’s game, and has limited Ottawa to five goals in three games. The Rangers have gotten goals from Gaborik, Brian Boyle, and Mike Richards, amongst others in this series. Veteran leadership + scoring from all positions + good goaltending = playoff success. Vegas got this wrong – the Rangers were the favorites in the East from day 1 of the playoffs.

Boston leads Washington 2 games to 1.

Another theft of home-ice that didn’t last sixty minutes. This series has been outstanding. Washington’s young goaltender Braden Holtby has been every bit Tim Thomas’ equal throughout all three one-goal games. The physical play in this series hasn’t gotten out of hand. And the Capitals are in Milan Lucic’s head – and fortunately rent is cheap, since there’s not a lot of furnishings in there. Unfortunately, Nicklas Backstrom took a stupid match penalty at the end of the game tonight, having not watched or learned from the Penguins waste two roster spots for game 4 doing the same yesterday.

If Washington rallies in Game 4, look for this series to go 7 and for Washington to steal a series behind a young goaltender, just like they did with Semyon Varlamov in 2009, as Boston (e.g. Lucic) takes a few more bad penalties at bad times. This series has ugly, long, and drawn-out written all over it. It’s everything the Penguins/Flyers should have been.

New Jersey and Florida tied 1-1.

Florida won Game 2 by scoring the first two goals on the power play….a luxury it needs, but can’t expect to have the rest of the series. Stephen Weiss is proving why he’s always worth trading for in every year of the NHL video game. He’s easily one of the five most underrated/unknown players in the league. Unlike the other two series, New Jersey’s theft of home ice will be permanent. Zach Parise will march towards a mega-payday in the offseason, and the Devils will coast past the Panthers.

If you do watch this series as a substitute for Ambien, count the number of times Ilya Kovalchuk is out of position in five-on-five play. It’s like counting sheep—you’ll be asleep in no time.

Puckcast: Playoff Stuff

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Hockeenight) — 2012-04-16T04:53:23Z

Tonight's Puckcast is about...hockey. Stunning, I know. Fork, CT and Slak talk about current events including:

The NHL's Wheel-O-Random-Justice is back!
How we think the Hawks are doing so far
Matt Carkner should be euthanized
What's going to happen when the Canucks lose in the first round this year
Plus a trip around the NHL Playoffs

Working Late: Hawks 4, Yotes 3 (OT)

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (CT) — 2012-04-15T05:20:40Z

Ah, Andrew Shaw. The point has been constantly made that he's one of those pain in the ass guys. And irritant that gets the other team off their game. Well, tonight he guaranteed he was going to be the focus of Game 3. In case you missed it, just before the midway point of the second period, Shaw skated behind the net as Mike Smith was playing the puck. Shaw had his head down, and went forehead to forehead with the Phoenix goalie. Smith, of course, reacted as though he'd been hit by a meteor.

Smith laid on the ice as though dead, while the officials had a solemn discussion and his backup got loose. Then the refs gave Andrew Shaw a charging major and a game misconduct, and Smith leapt to his feet in a manner that would make a South American soccer player proud.

Anyway, the Coyotes took the lead during the major penalty, then held the lead until the Hawks tied it with 6 seconds left. Overtime was back and forth until Viktor Stalberg held in an Adrian Aucoin clearing attempt and slipped it to Bryan Bickell who made sure I'll be in a pretty good mood tomorrow.

Drive home safely, Glendale.

THE GOOD

Brent Seabrook - Once again, Seabrook was all man. He was a Coyote killer tonight, hitting everything that moved and scoring (or assisting) on the game tying goal with seconds left in regulation.

Bryan Bickell - Bicks scored the Hawks first goal on the power play and the overtime winner as well. Best $500K Stan Bowman ever spent.

I can't believe I'm saying this but...Brandon Bollig - I don't think Bollig has any business dressing for the playoffs, especially with both Michael Frolik and Jimmy Hayes available. But Bollig at least made himself useful, scoring his first NHL goal and getting another decent chance. Get used to seeing Bollig, Andrew Shaw's adventures behind the net guarantee that No. 52 will be dressing for game 3, just in case.

Dave Bolland - Bolland's been a horse during these playoffs. He's been winning faceoffs, creating offensive chances and being a general pain to whatever line the Coyotes put opposite of him.

THE BAD

Marian Hossa - Uh, anytime you want to show up, big guy.

Refereeing - I REALLY hate to complain about such things but...holy shit they were terrible. Toews got two minutes for getting close enough to be slashed by Mike Smith, and then there's the whole Andrew Shaw thing. Christ.

THE UGLY

Mike Smith's acting - terrible. Just terrible. If a guy lays on the ice that long, he should at least be forced to go to the locker room and pass the concussion tests.

Up Next - the Hawks got the split they needed out of Phoenix. They'll try to hold serve on Tuesday in Chicago.

Last year, CathyMay15 inspired the Hawks throughout their seven game series with Vancouver. This year, Hockeenight has found a new anthem to raise our spirits during Chicago's playoff run:

No Sentiment - Coyotes 3, Blackhawks 2 (OT)

slaky1980@gmail.com (Slaky) — 2012-04-13T05:24:04Z

The Blackhawks lost the first game of their opening round series with the Phoenix Coyotes after battling back to force overtime, 3-2. Frankly this was far from the best game the Blackhawks have played in quite some time. A sloppy second period put the Hawks at a one goal disadvantage until they managed to tie the game with the extra skater with just seconds left on the clock in regulation. After peppering Mike Smith with shots in the first few minutes of overtime the momentum reversed and the Blackhawks took a series of icing calls when finally the Coyotes broke through and sent the few people in Phoenix that care home happy. It's late and I'm considerably less excited than I was a few minutes ago so let's talk about some things so I can stop thinking about this game.

THE GOOD:

- Welcome back, Cap'n. Jonathan Toews scored within minutes of his return after 22 games and added an assist on the tying goal. Can't express how good it is to have him back.

- Brent Seabrook. What can he not do? He had the game tying goal but he's just one of the most solid players the Hawks have. Mr. Dependable. Everyone loves Seabs.

- Patrick Kane had a decent night with two apples. He created some decent chances and had seven shots on net tonight. He's got 16 points in his last 12 playoff games going back to the Stanley Cup Finals against Philadelphia (h/t to @PK9)

- Andrew Shaw played on the edge all night and could have taken a couple of stupid penalties but managed to escape each time. His edgy play is a necessary component and he was in the middle of every scrum. Andrew - you're young and you don't care about anything. Just don't get caught and we're cool.

- Quick note that Crawford was the Crawford the Hawks will need to advance. If he can maintain this level of play it's not going to be on him if the team cannot beat Phoenix.

THE BAD:

- Marian Hossa and Patrick Sharp should get a few extra hours of sleep before game two. They were basically terrible all night long. Hossa had a cool Hossa moment when he carried the puck into the Phoenix zone and elbowed a defender out of the way and kept going. Those moments need to be more often than they have been lately.

- Johnny Oduya was getting splattered all over the ice tonight and didn't have his best game.

- Sean O'Donnell farts dust.

- Niklas Hjalmarsson had a chance to let Crawford freeze the puck on the Coyotes' first goal but inexplicably poked it free and the Coyotes cashed in shortly after. Question marks circle my head as if I am in a cartoon.

THE UGLY:

- Raffi Torres fucking sucks.

- The Coyotes appeared to be going after Toews pretty hard in the first period. It slowed down a bit but I'm sure this won't change now that Shea Weber's set the precedence that it's ok to use people's heads like Gallagher uses watermelons.

The final word from me is that we all had quite a ride tonight. I know I had a feeling the Hawks would tie it and they did. Did they deserve to win? No. Too many turnovers, too many icings and some missed chances. Radim Vrbata, the Coyotes top scorer was knocked from the game with an undisclosed injury but if he's out for longer that's a big deal. I'll call a rebound game from Hossa and Sharp and some adjustments from the coaching staff. The Blackhawks just need to win one of these games to steal home ice and they've still got a chance to do so. Does anyone really think the Blackhawks are a worse team than Phoenix after watching that game? I sure don't.

Go Hawks.

Rencontrez(Respectez) le Nordiques/Meet The Nordiques

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Hockeenight) — 2012-04-12T01:56:21Z

Bon, techniquement, ce sont encore les Coyotes de Phoenix, mais vu qu’ils affichent la plus faible assistance de la LNH et jouent dans une ville qui ne souhaite plus payer pour eux, ils feraient mieux d’échanger leurs nachos pour de la poutine et leur emblème ensoleillé pour la fleur de lys.

Heureusement pour Québec, les Coyotes sont une équipe de séries, et ce, depuis trois ans. Ils ont même remporté leur division cette saison, ce qui est juste puisque Québec a perdu un champion de division aux dépens du Colorado après les séries en 1995.

Passons aux bonnes nouvelles pour les Nordiques… ils ont un champion qui porte le numéro 19 et fait de drôles de faces quand il joue. La mauvaise nouvelle, c’est que ce n’est pas celle-là. Shane Doan est membre de cette franchise depuis leur temps à Winnipeg. Ils ont même un joueur francophone du Québec : Antoine Vermette. Adrian Aucoin est originaire d’Ottawa, mais vraiment c’est comme le Québec de l’ouest de toute façon, donc on peut l’inclure aussi. Ou bien, on pourrait l’échanger à Toronto, une équipe composée d’aucun joueur de l’Ontario, pour Philipe Dupuis de Laval qui… ah, oubliez ça. On est mieux avec Aucoin.

Je sais que tout ceci peut créer de la confusion si on regarde l’historique des équipes, puisque les Nordiques ont déménagé au Colorado, là où les records et les chandails retirés se trouvent, et nous, on obtient Phoenix, venant de Winnipeg et détenant les chandails retirés de cette dernière. Winnipeg provient d’Atlanta, mais pas l’Atlanta qui est devenu Calgary; l’Atlanta pour qui jouait Ilya Kovalchuk. Rappelez-vous-en.

Dès que les Nordiques arriveront, il faudra faire de notre mieux pour ne pas trop les ébranler. Ils connaissent une assistance d’en moyenne 12 000 personnes par partie dans un édifice qui peut en contenir autour de 16 000. D’ici à ce que le nouvel aréna soit complété, ils joueront devant 15 000 fans au Colisée Pepsi. Ceci pourrait les ébranler.

Enfin, de la façon dont opère la LNH, on peut s’attendre à ce que l’équipe joue dans la division Pacifique la saison prochaine, ce qui représente plusieurs parties contre Los Angeles, San Jose, Anaheim et Dallas. Préparez-vous à boire plus de café que jamais auparavant, et à arriver en retard au travail de façon régulière.

ENGLISH VERSION:

OK, so technically, they’re still the Phoenix Coyotes. But with them having the absolute worst attendance in the NHL and playing in a city that no longer wants to pay to have them there, they might as well trade in their nachos for poutine and their sunrise crest for fleur de lys now.

Fortunately for Quebec, they’re a playoff team, and have been one for three straight years. They even won their division this year. It seems only fair, since Quebec City lost a division champion to Colorado following the 1995 playoffs.

Now the good news about your new Nordiques…they have a Captain who wears number 19 and makes funny faces when he plays. The bad news is, not that one. Shane Doan has been a member of this franchise since they played in Winnipeg. They even have one French player from Quebec, Antoine Vermette. Adrian Aucoin is from Ottawa, which is really just West Quebec anyway, so we can count him too if we want. Or, we can trade him to Toronto, a team with no players from Ontario, for Laval’s own Philipe Dupuis who…oh, forget I mentioned Dupuis. We’re better off with Aucoin.

Now, I know it might be a little confusing looking at team histories, since the Nordiques moved to Colorado where all the all-time records and retired numbers are, and we’re getting Phoenix, who came from Winnipeg and has all their retired numbers and history. Winnipeg has history from Atlanta, but not the Atlanta that became Calgary, the Atlanta that had Ilya Kovalchuk. So remember that.

Now once the Nordiques get here, we need to do our best to not startle them. They average a little over 12,000 a game in a building that holds around 16,000. Until the new arena is completed, they will play in a packed Pepsi Colisee in front of 15,000 and change. That might be startling to them.

Finally, the way the NHL operates, we can expect they will play in the Pacific Division next season. This means lots of games against Los Angeles, San Jose, Anaheim and Dallas. Be prepared to drink more coffee that you’ve ever had in your life, and be prepared to show up late for work on a regular basis.

PLAYOFF TRADITIONS: Western Conference Playoff Preview

slaky1980@gmail.com (Slaky) — 2012-04-10T19:34:00Z

Since you come to Hockeenight for…well we don’t really know why you come here. But since you do we’re going to give you a closer look at some of the other matchups in this year’s Stanley Cup Playoffs. The Eastern Conference has been handled by someone who actually cares about it so now we’re going to focus on the West and go series by series. I thought it would be fun to look at each series by the team’s playoff tradition. Let’s get to it.

Vancouver Canucks (1) vs. Los Angeles Kings (8)

Vancouver is famous for their towel waving which started back when Roger Neilson was coach. They even have a statue to commemorate the moment. Legend has it he started waving his towel in the air to command Canucks fans to begin throwing trash on the ice the second something goes wrong. Both traditions continue to this very day.

In Los Angeles, fans show up at some point in the second period before realizing it’s not a Lakers game. After a few phone calls, texts, sexts, tweets, facebook posts and complaints about how cold it is they finally depart while Eric Cartman screams “GO KINGS GO” to a mostly apathetic building.

The Pick: Vancouver in 4

St. Louis Blues (2) vs. San Jose Sharks (7)

In St. Louis, fans are known for their passion and commitment. That’s why they passionately blend all of things you can buy over the counter at CVS and ingest them in smoothie form before each playoff home game. They also have a cute tradition of never winning anything of importance ever.

The Sharks are known for their loud building but if you actually attended a game at the HP Pavilion you’d find out it’s actually 20,000 people screaming I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE YELLING ABOUT at various times creating a very confusing atmosphere for visiting teams. Since the Sharks usually get beaten by lower seeds in the first round, they are primed to pull of the opposite.

The Pick: Sharks in 6

Chicago Blackhawks (3) vs. Phoenix Coyotes (6)

Chicago fans are known for their boisterous national anthem and have recently introduced a red rally towel. The team is hopeful that someone will use it to choke the life out of Jim Belushi, should he manage to slither into the United Center. They also like to yell “SHOOT IT!” even when their team doesn’t have the puck.

Phoenix cherishes their whiteout. Everyone in the crowd is given a white t-shirt to wear so the entireties of the lower and upper bowls look white. We are not sure what this is supposed to achieve. Unfortunately, everyone born in Chicago over the age of 60 either moves to Florida or Phoenix. The whiteout is going to end up looking more like one of Fork’s shirts after a meatball sandwich.

The Pick: Blackhawks in 6

Nashville Predators (4) vs. Detroit Red Wings (5)

In Nashville, they stole their first round opponent’s stupid tradition and made it even stupider. Someone will sneak in a catfish under their carpenter overalls and throw it onto the ice while everyone slaps their knees and asks everyone else if they saw that. Example: “Did you see that, Jim Bob?” “I sure ding dong diddly did Cooter hyuk hyuk hyuk!” They also chant “you suck” at opponents when they score. Their goal song is an amalgamation of the worst country music imaginable and guitar licks from convicted child molester Gary Glitter.

Everyone knows about Detroit’s octopus and the eight arms blah blah blah. What you may not know is that Todd Bertuzzi will literally eat a Detroit area child in the locker room while Johan Franzen speaks tongues in a bizarre ritual brought to the team by Mike Babcock in 2005. Also their fans are poor.

The pick: Detroit in 6

ALL IN THE ATLANTIC DIVISION: Eastern Conference Playoff Preview

jlawrence@uchicago.edu (JasonPie) — 2012-04-10T12:27:25Z

Hi kids, Fork here. As we did in the playoffs a couple years back, we're welcoming in our misguided Penguins fan JasonPie (it's pronounced P-A, you know, like Felix Pie, only an appreviation of the state of Pennsylvania, right? Ah, forget it.) to handle the Eastern Conference for us. Mainly since we've got enough other stuff to do, and Morph (our resident cheddar stacker) has sold us on how cost-effective outsourcing is ,so there's a whole world of hockey happening east of Detroit that we're going to let him handle.

And since you've all come to expect nothing but the highest level of integrity here, I ain't editing shit. So before you think we all just sit around fellating Dan Bylsma...anyway, take it away, Pie!

Three out of the four Eastern Conference playoff matchups feature an Atlantic Division team – and the reason it’s not four, is only because the Penguins and Flyers play each other in the first round. Atlantic division matchups are almost always memorable – even the naps you take during Devils games are especially invigorating.

Even more amazing is that all four Atlantic Division teams in the playoffs have as many points—or more—than any team from another division (New Jersey and Boston tied with 102 points, the Flyers, Penguins, and Rangers all had more). The burning question of the Eastern Conference playoffs is which Atlantic Division team will leave three whiners in their wake on the way to the Stanley Cup Finals. After the first round, the answer will only be: not Philly.

Here are the matchups:

(#4) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (#5) Philadelphia Flyers

Somewhere Gary Bettman is thanking Zombie Jesus for this ratings bonanza. This series might do better than the Stanley Cup Finals. The two teams hate each other. The two cities hate each other. Carnage is guaranteed. There are two questions in this series: which team will first have a player bring a knife or gun on to the ice, and which team will win four games. Answers: Philly, Pittsburgh.

A week ago Sunday, Philadelphia made the same mistake when they lost game 6 to Pittsburgh in 2009: they pissed off the Penguins. Braydon Schenn’s cheap-shot cross-check from behind to Sidney Crosby was as unnecessarily stupid as Daniel Carcilo’s decision to fight Max Talbot with a 3-goal lead. Schenn showed the world that the Flyers’ MO is to play dirty and then hide behind a visor when it’s time to fight. Later that game Daniel Briere put together film that every eight-year-old should see when being lectured on why it’s important to skate with their head up. Peter Laviolette then went all Tony Soprano on the Penguins bench, because the Penguins had the audacity to put their fourth line on the ice down two, with less than thirty-seconds left…and play to the final whistle.

All of these events made it more likely that the Flyers will waste a roster spot by dressing Jody Shelley in the playoffs. (I feel bad for that guy – if you take one look at him you will too…the next drink he takes might kill his last brain cell.) And they certainly rallied the Penguins around their Captain.

Sidney Crosby has won scoring titles and a Stanley Cup at the expense of the Flyers. Invariably, every time the organist plays three chords and the crowd chants “Crosby sucks,” Crosby shoves a puck down all of their throats like a bad cheesesteak or a Nathan’s hotdog. Both teams have skill and grit. Claude Giroux and Scotty Hartnell are two forwards any NHL team would love to have on their roster. Jaromir Jagr might have the energy and desire to score if he can stay away from late-night blackjack sessions at Rivers Casino in Pittsburgh. Kimmo Timonen and Matt Carle are solid two-way defensemen. The Flyers have won five of six since the Consol Center opened in Pittsburgh, and the Penguins have rarely solved Sergei Bobrovsky.

But the Penguins won the last game in Pittsburgh to count, and Ilya Bryzgalov is likely to start for the Flyers (but not without controversy—and what would a postseason be without a Flyers goalie controversy?)

The Penguins simply have too much talent for the Flyers to overcome. Jagr is old; the Penguins’ horses are young. Kunitz-Malkin-Neal were the best line in the NHL since late January. Malkin will be the league MVP, and if he keeps his level of play up, could likely win another Conn Smythe. Sullivan-Crosby-Cooke is a second-line that almost any other team would covet as a second line. The third line of Kennedy-Staal-Dupuis is the best third line in the NHL – Jordan Staal would easily be a first or second line player on any other NHL team, and Pascal Dupuis has a seventeen-game point streak going into Game One. Kris Letang and Brooks Orpik are both better defensemen than anyone on the Flyers. Marc-Andre Fleury is the better netminder in the series.

If you want to look at the numbers—both teams were equally as good on the power-play (19.7%), and nearly as good in 5-on-5 play (Pittsburgh - 1.17, Philadelphia - 1.13). The Penguins were the third-best team at killing penalties (87.8%), while the Flyers were a pedestrian 17^th (81.8%). This series will have a lot of whistles. If the Penguins can bait the Flyers into a few more—and a team with Dan Bylsma’s discipline (or if you’re a meathead inclined to believe Laviolette or Tortorella, Crosby’s and Malkin’s “whining”) should be able to do just that—you won’t be able to hear any whining over the roars/booos as the Penguins score on the power play.

This will be a competitive, hard-checking, slobberknocker of a series. But the Penguins will win in six, when Crosby shoves a hat-trick down the throats of everyone chanting “Crosby Sucks.” Because if you’re ignorant enough to throw batteries at Santa Claus, you’ll say anything, no matter how stupid it is.

(#1) New York Rangers vs. (#8) Ottawa Senators

This series will be decided in goal, before it’s decided anywhere else. The Rangers have MVP and Vezina candidate Henrik Lundqvist. Ottawa has Craig Anderson, or, if he fails, Alex Auld or Ben Bishop. Anderson and Auld could just as easily be one of the two white-guy jobber tag-teams who lost to Demolition or the Road Warriors on WWF’s Saturday Morning show when you were a kid. Goaltending matters a lot in the playoffs, which is why it doesn’t matter if the Senators took the season series 3-1.

The Rangers also have a great mix of talent and role-players with NHL playoff experience. Ruslan Fedostinko netted eight goals for the Penguins in 2009. No top line wants to look up and see Michael Rupp on the opposing checking line. Brad Richards is a great veteran leader who knows what it’s like to lift Lord Stanley’s Cup. And of course, Marian Gaborik is a threat to score every time he’s on the ice…and he has the skill of escaping a defender for just long enough to get open in prime shooting range.

So how can the Senators win? Two words: Power Play. The Senators have one of the best power play quarterbacks in the league in Sergei Gonchar. Jason Spezza is a fantastic playmaker, and Daniel Alfredsson and Milan Michalek are excellent finishers. While Ottawa is an above average team five-on-five, they aren’t as good as the Rangers. Unless Ottawa can draw more penalties—and then convert on the power play—and get some fortunate bounces and unexpectedly great goaltending from whatever jabroni they put in net, there will be one less Canadian team around to win the Cup. New York in 5.

(#2) Boston Bruins vs. (#7) Washington Capitals

In the only upset of the first round (no—New Jersey over Florida doesn’t count, since Jersey had a lot more points), the defending Stanley Cup champs will be going home early. After suffering embarrassing first-round defeats, it’s time for the Capitals to give one back.

The Washington power-play underperformed this season (16.2%) as did most of its superstars. Alex Ovechkin never was in the conversation for any NHL award—and someone with his talent should be. Nicklas Backstrom, Mike Greene, Mike Knuble, Alexander Semin, Brooks Laich all underperformed. But the Capitals scratched and clawed their way into the playoffs, and they have no pressure on them. Lots of skill, no pressure, and solid veteran goaltending in Tomas Vokun give the Capitals the best chance of pulling off a first-round “upset.”

So how can Boston win this series? By being the team they were during the regular season. Boston was the third-best team five-on-five with a 1.32 goals for to against ratio. But that begs a question – how could a team that good five-on-five not win the President’s Cup? The answer: mediocre special teams and inconsistent scoring. Tim Thomas posted solid, but not the Vezina-like numbers from a year ago. The Bruins had six 20-goal scorers, but none with more than 30. Without a go-to-scorer and a disadvantage in the special-teams battle, Boston will find itself looking at deficits on the scoreboard one game too many. Which is too bad, because Boston was unbeaten this season when leading after two.

Boston’s Cup run last season was also deceptively weak. They barely clawed by a Tampa Bay team that has regressed significantly this year (and that needed 7 games to claw past a depleted Pittsburgh team in last season’s playoffs). The Bruins needed 7 games to beat a soft and fragile Vancouver team. The Bruins didn’t get better in the off-season. All signs point to a loss in Washington in Game 6 to end the series.

(#3) Florida Panthers (seriously?) vs. (#6) New Jersey Devilzzzzzzzzz

Somewhere Gary Bettman is thanking Zombie Jesus that this ratings nightmare can be relegated to regional TV and NHL Center Ice in the first round. Seriously, will more than 50 people watch any of these games? I don’t know much about these two teams, except that Florida is the most undeserving #3 seed in the era of the Bettman Point, and New Jersey is the same stingy Devils they always have been.

New Jersey didn’t take penalties in the regular season when refs are inclined to call them. Florida will be lucky to get two power-play chances a game. Florida is a negative team 5-on-5 (0.88 goals for every one scored against). New Jersey is slightly less shitty 5-on-5 (0.93). Florida will take penalties, and Ilya Kovalchuck will score a few power play goals in the series. Zach Parise will make the case that he should get paid in the offseason, and the Devils will win three more 2-1 or 3-1 games than Florida will and take the series in 5 of the least memorable NHL games ever.

BLACKHAWKS/COYOTES: By The Numbers

Meatheads@hockeenight.com (Forklift) — 2012-04-09T11:10:00Z

Once again, playoff time is upon us.

And, unlike last year, we actually remembered to open up the gym lockers and let the Hockeenight Mathletes out in order to give us some solid numeric data concerning the first round matchup between the Chicago Blackhawks and Phoenix Coyotes...

7 - Number of playoff series the Phoenix Coyotes have appeared in since their move from Winnipeg in 1996.

0 - Number of playoff series won by the Phoenix Coyotes since their move from Winnipeg in 1996.

8 - Number of playoff series played by the Chicago Blackhawks in the last 3 years.

6 - Number of playoff series won by the Chicago Blackhawks in the last 3 years.

27 - Number of goals scored by Radim Vrbata in two years as a Chicago Blackhawk.

35 - Number of goals scored by Radim Vrbata in the 2011-12 season.

6 - Number Sean O'Donnell wears on his sweater.

6 - Number of teams in the NHL when Sean O'Donnell entered the league.

12,420 - Average attendance of a Phoenix Coyotes game in the 2011-12 season.

15,176 - Capacity of Le Colisee in Quebec City.

∞ - Number of times Quebec City will be mentioned in relation to the Coyotes, Islanders, Blue Jackets, Panthers and Lightning until the NHL finally moves a team there.

98,453 - Approximate number of #ShawFacts that have been posted on Twitter.

0 - Amount of compensation received by Hockeenight for starting the damn thing.

30 - Number of times better #StalbergPorn was than #ShawFacts.

0 - Aggregate IQ of people who blamed #ShawFacts for the Hawks' 9-game losing streak.

41 - Mike Smith's sweater number.

41 - Number of mini-strokes each Hockeenight writer has at the mention of the name "Mike Smith", as it conjures up memories of Pavel Vorobiev and Mikhail Yakubov.

23 - Number of games missed by Jonathan Toews this season.

12-5-4 - Chicago Blackhawks record without Jonathan Toews this season.

Final Analysis: Hawks in 6

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