After what can only be described as the most boring offseason in history (despite the creation of our brand new team), the NHL is finally almost ready to spring it’s patented brand of fun mixed with chronic stupidity on its unsuspecting fanbase (the NHL sounds a lot like Hockeenight now that I think about it). But we can’t start a season without a vague and useless analysis of each and every team, helpfully pegged to a completely arbitrary standard! Thus we are pleased to announce the return of “View From The Top”.
What can be worse than being the fan of a franchise whose record of ineptitude since its inception a half century ago leads you to count “the glory days” as seasons where the golf clubs didn’t come out until May?
How about living in a city that is such a godforsaken hellhole that when police spray tear gas onto protestors it actually counts as an environmental improvement?
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the St. Louis Blues.
Blues’ GM Doug Armstrong has stated their goal is to build with youth. So naturally the best way to do that is to trade their first-round pick for Brayden Schenn. Vladmir Terasenko has elite skill, but he’s a pearl on a turd pile. They’re thinking their core consists of guys like Jaden Schwartz and Robby Fabbri, who tore his knee up last season. So yeah, there’s where you want to push your chips to the center of the table. Oh, and they signed Nail Yakupov, who is well on his way to what looks like a life goal – managing to suck for every team in the Western Conference. (ed note – I apparently forgot the Nail Yakupov tour has managed to wind through to Colorado, despite my writing about it in the Colorado preview.)
They coughed up their best defenseman last season in Kevin Shattenkirk, who could not get the fuck out of Dodge fast enough. But hey, Colton Parayko! Seriously, five and a half mildo for Colton Parayko. Imagine if they actually had anyone good. Alex Pietrangelo would be a decent second pair guy on a contender, so he’ll be a top pair guy here.
If Jay Gallon is the answer, ask better questions.
Mike Yeo is the perfect coach for this squad, since he also has zero experience with what the world looks like beyond the first round of the playoffs.
ARE THEY BETTER THAN THE KNIGHTS?:
You might as well compare cities.