The Malört of Hockey Blogs


After what can only be described as the most boring offseason in history (despite the creation of our brand new team), the NHL is finally almost ready to spring it’s patented brand of fun mixed with chronic stupidity on its unsuspecting fanbase (the NHL sounds a lot like Hockeenight now that I think about it).  But we can’t start a season without a vague and useless analysis of each and every team, helpfully pegged to a completely arbitrary standard!  Thus we are pleased to announce the return of “View From The Top”.

Finally. A decade ago, the Edmonton Oilers set out on the longest rebuilding project since the Chicago Blackhawks gave up hockey sometime in the late 90’s. From 2007-2016 the Oilers had a lottery pick every year except one, including obtaining the number one overall pick 4 times. Naturally this allowed them to stockpile and develop talent until finally in 2017, they were ready to break through and achieve what may be the toughest feat in sports: beating the San Jose Sharks in a playoff series.


This is still a good young crew the Oilers have, led by Connor McDavid, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins and Zack Kassian. Jussi Jokinen is still hanging around too, making me wish that I could find that weird video of Oli Jokinen screaming at a small child. Anyway, with Leon Draisatil now making a gazillion dollars a year and Connor McDavid scheduled to receive a 13,000% raise next season, the Oilers need to take things to the next level by achieving the only thing tougher than beating the San Jose Sharks in a playoff series: beating the Anaheim Ducks in a Game 7 at home.


And here we go. The Oilers are going to be giving heavy minutes to Adam Larsson who isn’t good and Kris Russell who stinks out loud. On the plus side, there are not enough guys named “Oscar” in the NHL right now so I expect a huge marketing campaign to develop around Oscar Klefbom visiting young kids named Oscar and letting them know that they do not necessarily have to live in garbage cans. With the proper handling this could be as successful and useful as Hockeenight’s campaign to popularize the game with people named “Donald”.


Nobody cares about Edmonton’s goaltending situation. Nobody. Admit it, you stopped reading after the Anaheim joke.


Milan Lucic played Caveman Sam Losco on Trailer Park Boys for 9 seasons before the producers realized that they’d never even planned on having such a character on the show.


The Knights would never lose a Game 7 to the Ducks.


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