After what can only be described as the most boring offseason in history (despite the creation of our brand new team), the NHL is finally almost ready to spring it’s patented brand of fun mixed with chronic stupidity on its unsuspecting fanbase (the NHL sounds a lot like Hockeenight now that I think about it). But we can’t start a season without a vague and useless analysis of each and every team, helpfully pegged to a completely arbitrary standard! Thus we are pleased to announce the return of “View From The Top”.
You know how sometimes you’ll be out driving somewhere and you see an old muscle car from a few decades back, and it’s kind of rusty and suffering from neglect? You can look at it and just imagine how it used to rumble and roar, and you find yourself actually feeling kind of bad for the car for not getting the care worthy of it? Ladies and germs, I give you the Montreal Canadiens.
Jonathan Drouin couldn’t step up and perform under the white-hot spotlight of playing in Tampa, so naturally being a French-Canadian forward carrying a brand-spanking-new 6 year/#33 million contract after a 21 goal seasons should be smooth sailing, right? Losing Alexander Radulov will sting. Fortunately, Andrew Shaw is still there to take penalties when the Habs are on the power play.
Is it ever a bad time to remind everyone that they traded PK Subban for Shea Weber? Of course not. This is going to be one bad, and I mean terrible, blue line. Hell, Mark Streit actually improves them. Woof.
Carey Price just got over 80 mildo for 8 more years of netminding. By about year 5 there will be ashtrays welded to the goalposts.
I defy you to find a better scene from any movie.
ARE THEY BETTER THAN THE LAS VEGAS GOLDEN KNIGHTS?
The Knights have yet to go three decades without a Stanley Cup.