HOCKEE NIGHT

The Malört of Hockey Blogs

VIEW FROM THE TOP: New Jersey Devils

After what can only be described as the most boring offseason in history (despite the creation of our brand new team), the NHL is finally almost ready to spring it’s patented brand of fun mixed with chronic stupidity on its unsuspecting fanbase (the NHL sounds a lot like Hockeenight now that I think about it).  But we can’t start a season without a vague and useless analysis of each and every team, helpfully pegged to a completely arbitrary standard!  Thus we are pleased to announce the return of “View From The Top”.

Archie Andrews, from a more innocent time

I realize it’s pretty hard to ratchet up sympathy for a guy making millions of dollars every year, but you really have to feel for Former Kentuck Derby Contender Taylor Hall. He gets traded away from Edken monton just before they look like they might be good to New Jersey, which will keep fond memories of Ken Daneyko for years to come. Folks, this is not a good hockey team.

FORWARDS:

Hall is good, and they’re hoping first overall pick Nico Heshier can make the jump. They wanted to get younger and faster, so they went out and got Brian Boyle, who is neither. But for a team thay finished 28th in goals last yearm there’s nowhere to go but up, right?

DEFENSE:

Their putrid defense last year led to them being awful at both even strength and special teams. They can neither generate offense nor prevent it. Sought-after college free agent Will Butcher signed here, probably because of the fact that despite never having played a minute of NHL hockey, he’s the best they’ve got.

GOALTENDING:

Cory Schneider, we feel ya man. You’re going to be in the clubhouse between innings stopping phantom shots like Denis Lemieux.

MUNDANE FACT:

No team in the NHL is as perfect for their home city as the Devils are for Newark.

ARE THEY BETTER THAN THE LAS VEGAS GOLDEN KNIGHTS:

You might as well ask if Atlantic City is better than Vegas.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

© HOCKEE NIGHT 2008-2014, all rights reserved. Frontier Theme