HOCKEE NIGHT

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VIEW FROM THE TOP: Tampa Bay Lightning

No_Photo_AvailableNow that the Chicago Blackhawks have loaned the Stanley Cup to Los Angeles for the year, it’s time for us to once again peruse the various also-rans in the NHL before the Hawks get down to the formality of reclaiming the Cup in June 2015. We continue our series with the Tampa Bay Lightning.

Man, I’m not sure why I volunteered to take the Lightning again this year, but here we are. Tampa had a somewhat strange 2013-14 season, losing Steven Stamkos for a large swath of it with a broken leg, and having their newly named Captain Martin St. Louis force his way out of town because his General Manager didn’t name him to the Olympic team and then later did.  Also, Ben Bishop played his way into the Vezina picture, then got injured in April leaving Anders Lindback to be curb stomped by Montreal in the first round of the playoffs.

Oh and Ryan Malone got busted for DUI possession of cocaine and was promptly bought out in the offseason.

FORWARDS:

Steven Stamkos is fucking awesome.  And the Rays Bolts(?) has some other fun players in Valtteri Filppula and Ondrej Palat.  Jonathan Drouin will likely make the team but has been set back by a broken thumb in training camp.  Brendan Morrow is the answer to the question “What if Michal Handzus was Canadian?”.  I don’t really care about any of the rest of this crap, although the Bucs Lights resigned Ryan Callahan because when you trade your captain for a guy you just have to do shit like that.

DEFENSEMEN:

Victor Hedman looks promising.  The rest?  I don’t know, Matt Carle, Anton Stralman and Mattias Ohlund are all…fine?  Not fine?  I don’t really know and I don’t care enough about the Rays to even type their name correctly.  Eric Brewer’s on the team.  Really, Eric Brewer.  Seriously.  I know.

GOALTENDERS:

Ben Bishop appears to be a damn good goalie.  Or at least a very large one.  Evgeni Nabokov is a goddamn tire fire.

MUNDANE FACT:

Eric Brewer is the only person on earth to be banned for life from The Gathering of Juggalos.

OUTLOOK:

Pretty good, actually, assuming they can keep everyone healthy.

ARE THEY BETTER THAN THE CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS:

Nope, sorry, but I think they’re good enough to win the Eastern Conference.  Which puts them on par with like, Minnesota.

2 Comments

  1. “puts them on par with like, Minnesota” lol

    Seriously though, if the old guard is changing in Hockey (which is a big if in a league that locks superstars down for 8 years, but it probably is, slowly) the Bolts are one of the first up to take over.

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