After what can only be described as the most boring offseason in history (despite the creation of our brand new team), the NHL is finally almost ready to spring it’s patented brand of fun mixed with chronic stupidity on its unsuspecting fanbase (the NHL sounds a lot like Hockeenight now that I think about it). But we can’t start a season without a vague and useless analysis of each and every team, helpfully pegged to a completely arbitrary standard! Thus we are pleased to announce the return of “View From The Top”.
People forget that last
October November, the Chicago Cubs ended their 108 year drought between winning World Series. Why am I mentioning that here? Two reasons…
- It was awesome.
- The Toronto Maple Leafs are no longer the “Cubs of hockey”.
The faithful are absolutely certain that their beloved Leafs are certain to, like the Cubs, end decades of futility. Just as the Cubs also went 71 years without even going to the World Series, the Leafs are currently marking a half century’s absence from the Stanley Cup Final.
Auston Matthews leads the way here, a true elite forward. After him comes Nazem Kadri, the guy that Leafs fans always wanted traded away. Turns out he’s good. James can Reimsdyk has to keep reminding everyone he’s “the good van Reimsdyk”. William Nylander and Mitchell Marner round out a pretty solid group. Oh, and they signed
Methuselah Patrick Marleau to a 3 year, $18 million deal. Because signing guys who have been in the league for over 15 years to big money deals is a thing that always works, right?
Ron Hainsey will always be the guy who people wonder, “what’s his hockey nickname, Heinseyey?” He’s yet another Maple Leaf who is so old he farts dust. They’ve got Morgan Reilly too. As good as their forwards are, that’s how porous their defense is looking.
Fredrik Andersen is a workhorse, playing 66 games last year. But he’d be adequate with a strong blueline corps in front of him. With the Leafs’ D, he’s going to start having nightmares about a dumptruck unloading five thousand pucks on him every night.
Mike Babcock is widely recognized as the best coach on hockey, something he earned by inheriting a team full of Hall of Famers from Scotty Bowman and winning one Stanley Cup.
ARE THEY BETTER THAN THE VEGAS GOLDEN KNIGHTS:
The Knights have never missed a Stanley Cup Final, so we’re gonna have to give a big nope here.