The Malört of Hockey Blogs


This is the only way that Brooks Orpik is getting into the Hall of Fame

After what can only be described as the most boring offseason in history (despite the creation of our brand new team), the NHL is finally almost ready to spring it’s patented brand of fun mixed with chronic stupidity on its unsuspecting fanbase (the NHL sounds a lot like Hockeenight now that I think about it).  But we can’t start a season without a vague and useless analysis of each and every team, helpfully pegged to a completely arbitrary standard!  Thus we are pleased to announce the return of “View From The Top”.

The Washington Capitals. You know them. You love them. They are a team for whom the regular season has become absolutely meaningless. Because nothing they achieve in the regular season matters anymore. Not until they win the Stanley Cup. Or at least the Eastern Conference. I don’t make the rules, that’s just how it is. You win a billion regular season games while employing one of the most exciting players of the modern age and eventually people are going to ask why you can’t get out of the second round. There are no easy answers. Sure, we like to blame the captain or the goalie, or some sort of mythical lack of fortitude, but the truth is, sometimes shit just happens. Again, and again, and again. Maybe this is the year it won’t happen.


Alex Ovechkin is still in DC and still great. Seriously though, this team has some good ass forwards: Kuznetsov, Backstrom, Tom Wilson, the list goes on. However they did lose magical playoff sprite Justin Williams in the offseason, which is sure to spell DOOM for their Cup hopes.


Uh, it’s possible I’m not real good at math but according to all the salary cap sites I’ve checked, the Caps only have 5 defensemen under contract. This would put them at a disadvantage as most teams want to dress 6 d-men per game and one of these guys is Brooks Orpik. Matt Niskanen and Dmitry Orlov are okay, but playing them 45 minutes a game probably won’t end well.


By all rights Brandon Holtby should have as many Stanley Cups as Jonathan Quick, or at the very least Cam Ward. Instead, he’s tied with Phillipp Grubauer who happens to be his backup.


The regular season a meaningless slog that ends in the cold embrace of an early playoff death.

Eat at Arby’s.


The Golden Knights have never had a disappointing playoff run.

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